If I had to list the top ten things that I dislike about wearing glasses, well, I probably wouldn’t. But if I had to, it would probably look something like this:
Glasses are an indicator of poor eyesight, and if that poor eyesight comes in the form of nearsightedness (as it does for the majority of people, I think), it means having to bring things closer to your face to see them properly. Sometimes those things do not smell good.
They (they who?) say that when one sense is diminished, others become more acute as a sort of Sensory Compensation Plan. For me, this means I have a pretty keen sense of smell. I’m able to distinguish the composition and origination of a variety of scents. Strong smells smell even stronger to me.
[Side note: I very nearly passed out this afternoon while checking to see if I had, indeed, removed all of the clear polish from my fingernails. I’ll also add that I was using 100% acetone as remover.]
When one wears glasses, they are sometimes required to take them off to facilitate access to one’s own eyes, i.e. in the administration of eye drops or application of makeup. Cruelly enough, both of these activities have better outcomes when performed with initial precision – a precision that is best achieved through the aid of clear vision. Still don’t get my point? Allow me to illustrate: I cannot put drops in my eyes without wasting at least 3 or 4 drops to other parts of my face (or running down my cheek). I also must lean very closely to the mirror when applying makeup (I’ve been known to leave mascara-marks in my wake). Even then, to try anything other than my normal beauty routine generally yields something I like to refer to as The Buck-Fifty-Hooker Look.
I will count that point as two.
While on the topic of beauty and fashion, let me add that I long for the day when the Dwayne Wayne-style clip-on sunglasses come back in style – not because I don’t want to look silly if I were to go out in public sporting a pair, but because they don’t freaking sell them anywhere anymore.
Also, prescription sunglasses are expensive. Also-also, I don’t do enough work in the jungle to warrant a pair of Transitions Lenses (even though I will always – for no discernible reason – associate them with your everyday pothead and not the exotic-animal photographers in their commercials).
What number am I up to now? Seven? Twelve?
I think that you get my drift: there’s more than one downer in the life of your average Full-Time Glasses Wearer. Even though some of us may end up going to work with Mimi Bobeck eyeshadow from time to time, or be forced to occasionally drive with one hand shading our forehead as if we are Michael rowing our boat to shore (Land-ho!), we at least have one thing going for us:
We don’t have to stick our fingers in our own eyes every day. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.