Monthly Archives: October 2010

Moron, meet Genius.

First, to quote my mom:

“Apple genius? Oh, ha! That’s cute: ‘I’m an apple genius! I’m a banana genius! Ha! What other fruits do they have there?

So yeah. I’m sitting here at the kitchen table, having comandeered my mother’s laptop so that I can do my Important Internet Things: checking my email, checking some message boards, spitting out an inane tweet, and – of course – doing some light Facebook-ing. But why am I currently depriving my poor, sweet mother from her morning online crossword puzzles?* Because my own computer’s freakin’ broke. Or something like that.

The issue is, I presume, one of two things:
a) It could be an incredibly simple fix – something completely and totally ridiculous that probably involves a quick few keystrokes and BAM! it’s fixed, or
b) It could be the result of something bigger that might or might not be covered under my warranty (which I thought expired last week but actually doesn’t expire until next week. Phew).

And right now, I’m torn. While I sure hope whatever’s wrong doesn’t result in me selling off superfluous organs as a means of financing the repairs, I sort of dread schlepping myself over to the Apple Store and having someone who’s been certified as a “genius” tell me I just don’t have it plugged in right (or something to that effect). It’s a pride thing, really. I’m not by any means a computer “person,” but I’d like to think that I’m not completely functionally retarded when it comes to these machines. I mean, is it weird that I can imagine this Genius thinking to himself that if I can’t even figure out this simple problem, I have no business owning such a beautiful piece of computery?

This is where the Rational Part of my brain says: really?  Do I actually care what he thinks? The answer to this is, of course, no. But rationally comprehending that whatever this person thinks has absolutely no affect on me doesn’t stop me from hoping that all this hoopla of making an appointment at this “genius bar” will not be a waste of time for either of us.

Stay tuned, I guess!
*I did ask first. I’m not a total biatch.

sotd 10.21.10

Happy Birthday to Manfred Mann… 70 years young.

Love this video. Wish I’d been there.

“Mighty Quinn (Quinn the Eskimo)” / Manfred Mann (1968)

p.s. “Cup of meat”?

 

sotd 10.19.10

Another song I thought you might like.

“Out Loud” / Dispatch (2000)

All that is to be discovered.

So when our great^12 grandchildren read about the world today, what sort of scientific achievements will form the chapters of their textbooks (brain downloads?)? I mean, I can probably figure out what’s going down in history, so to speak. But the scientific stuff? I’m not talking about the technological advances: the iPods and the iPads and the iWhateverElseTheyComeUpWiths – I want to know who the Isaac Newtons of our day are.

My best guess – and I’m really just spitballin’ here – is that these are probably the folks working in pharmaceuticals. I’m not 100% sure there’s much to still be discovered when it comes to the functional building blocks of our universe (is that pessimistic of me?), so I think the only uncharted territory is either celestial or medical.

I don’t know. I was looking through a stack of old textbooks in a closet today and came across a chemistry Cliffs Notes. And even though I had just about zero interest in this subject in high school, I decided to look through it. Turns out, chemistry is interesting after all (I think perhaps it helps that a nun with anger issues isn’t trying to teach it to me this time around).

That’s all.

sotd 10.17.10

So has this ever happened to you? You’re in the shower, or the car, or the creepy sauna room at the Y and suddenly, almost uncontrollably, you burst into song? And I’m not talking about some song that’s been running through your head for the past week and that you’ve heard it on the radio fifteen times that day – I mean, it’s like a switch is flipped in your brain and BAM! You’re singing a song you haven’t heard and/or sung in maybe years.

That happened to me yesterday, with this song.

“Yeah” / Usher ft. Lil Jon and Ludacris (2002)

And I quote from allmusic: Lil Jon, “regularly adorned with a bejeweled pimp chalice in hand”
I wish I had a trademark like that.

sotd 10.16.10

Had this one in my head for awhile. Now it’s in yours. You’re welcome!

“Sir Duke” / Stevie Wonder (1976)

Paint with all the colors of the…whatever.

I can’t imagine how optically displeasing this month is for folks who dislike the color pink. Myself, I love it. I think everything should be pink, the color of love and settled stomachs.

And while I think it’s great – absolutely awesome – how the awareness of breast cancer research and early detection seems to increase with each year, I can’t help but think that maybe the boobies are kind of stealing the show.

I know, it’s horrible to say, but there’s so many other types of horrible cancers. I can’t help but wonder how left out they might feel, and the pressure their advocates (dis-advocates?) are under to brand and sell themselves.

“We call this meeting of the osteosarcoma marketing committee to order. First item of business: we need to choose a color. I know, I know. We jumped on this bandwagon a little late, folks. Most of the good colors are taken. Last week, we discussed adopting a kind of plaid or stripe thing. Thoughts?”

In the spirit of sharing awareness, I decided to do some cursory research on other colors that have been chosen as a symbol of awareness and/or support of other diseases or causes. I thought that I’d have to wade through a lot of contradicting information, but it seems others have taken on this task before I. Click here for a pretty comprehensive site.

And for those of you who aren’t real big into the link-clicking, let me summarize.

(But first, I disclaimerize: Am I about to make fun of this stuff? You betcha. Do I mean any disrespect? Of course not! Do I admit that I’m a big ol’ hypocrite, as I wear a LiveSTRONG bracelet 14 hours a day, 7 days a week? That’s a big ol’ duppity-duh).

Onward.

The good folks of Crafts n’ Scraps seem to have really done their homework here. Of particular note are the explanations of each cause. For example, red signifies support for awareness of alcohol and drug abuse. Shirley – I’m gonna call her Shirley, everyone okay with that? Great) takes care to add that this includes inhalants. Perhaps someone close to Shirley, or Shirley herself, has taken a snort or two (rest in peace, Uncle Gluey), because personally I just make the assumption that abuse is abuse. Maybe I’ve watched too much Celebrity Rehab,* but I’d just automatically group that in with the rest. Unless each separate drug gets its own color.

…and why not? If orange is the color of feral cats (not 100% sure why they get their own color and stray dogs or dog-wolf hybrids are left out of the fold), why not differentiate between one’s drug abuse of choice? I mean, while we’re at it, shouldn’t the alcoholics be categorizing among themselves? Maybe an amber color for the beer drunks, and clear for the G & T set.

Oh, hey, Aforementioned Fictional Osteosarcoma Marketing Committee! You’ve actually already got yellow. My bad for assuming this particular form of bone cancer was too specialized to warrant its own piece of the rainbow. Unfortunately, you’ve got to share yellow with myxoid liposarcoma and adoptive parents, both of which are known to really hog the spotlight.

It’s not easy being green, and nor is it easy to remember all 34938 causes that have appropriated this color for their own respective agendas. Mitochondrial Disease, Neurofibromatosis (Oooh, I think I’ve heard that one on House!), worker and driving safety and Medical Marijuana (shouldn’t it be a hemp band?) are among the dozens sharing this color.

So as not to be confused with these causes, Support for Adoptees’ Rights To Unseal Adoption Records picked up lime green, as has lymphoma and Sandhoff Disease (which I’ve never heard of, but is probably something truly horrible).

Others joining the green spectrum: light green for chronic pelvic pain (isn’t that also known as being a woman?), Mint for polycystic kidney disease (will never eat a bowl of mint chip again, thanks PKD!), Jade for (and I’m copy-and-pasting here) Asian and Pacific Islander Campaign by ALC to raise liver cancer and Hepatitis B awareness.

Blue is anther big one: everything from second hand smoke (unclear if this is in support of or against: “Mmmm, exhale that cigarette in my face please – I’ve got my blue bracelet on!”) to short bowel syndrome (my, that sounds quite unpleasant) join together under this color. I’m not sure what Cri du Chat syndrome and Hurricane Support (I do not think this means what they think it means) have in common, but I guess that’s not really the point.

And, as with green, the blues have divided and conquered: light blue for men’s health, periwinkle for stomach cancer. There’s also teal for Dissociative Identity Disorder (I guess the doubters can’t claim it doesn’t exist if there’s promotional literature and rubber jewelry in its support!), but I guess that’s more of a green-blue than a blue-green.

Don’t worry, the list goes on. And on. Purple, White and Black each claim legions of devotees (though Pink really does seem to have been monopolized by Breast Cancer – who knew it had so much in common with Microsoft?), and this is not to mention the two- and three-color combination bands out there. It’s enough to make one’s head spin, or at least cheapen the effect of each one.

My proposal: With the possible exception of the medical marijuana one, are any of these “causes” that controversial? I mean, would someone be offended by my peach-colored Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency band? (“That bracelet is offensive to me! I support Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency’s right to exist!”). I mean, seriously: why don’t we all just wear multi-colored, tye-dyed bands symbolizing our support for, you know, people not being sick?

*This is a plain lie. I’ve never seen that show. It’s exploitative horse shit. (/soap box).

I was born…

I was born in a cross-fire hurricane, on the bayou, on the fourth of July, free, in a small town, for this, at half past twelve (almost one in the morning), in a system that doesn’t give a fuck, to love you, to rock.

(with credit to the Rolling Stones, Creedence Clearwater Revival, John Williams, John Cougar Mellancamp, Paramore, Billy Bragg & Wilco, Sizzla, Queen and Quiet Riot, in that order).



sotd 10.15.10

stupid video. maybe not my favorite song, but ya know. it… exists.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-XldXGxqDk

“Africa” / Toto (1982)

On fonts.

Because the cover letter template I’ve been using lately hasn’t seemed to draw much attention, I decided to start completely and totally from scratch for my next round of Jobbing.

I’ve consulted some old notes, a few style guides and, today, did a cursory Googlization on the topic (I’m on a word-making roll today, folks!).

One of the first links upon which I clicked seemed promising: an official (looking) address (.gov, people!) and seemingly solid tips in its truncated summary. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the .pdf document that seemed to have so much promise turned out TO BE TYPED IN COMIC SANS.

COMIC SANS. Seriously? Had I downloaded a bake sale flyer by mistake? Oh, nononononono: this was a genuine, GOVERNMENT-ORIGINATED DOCUMENT typed in mother-lovin’ COMIC SANS (though, to its credit, there were no smiley-face bullets or gratuitous ClipArt images). I can’t even tell you if the content was helpful; too distracted was I by the cartoonish lettering.

Seeing junk like this fills me with equal amounts of hope and dread. Hope, because if this shit can be deemed “official,” then my chances of getting a job disseminating and/or producing this sort of information seem high (I can wow a prospective employer with my serif fonts and command of the English language!) and Dread, because – well, if this is some kind of universal trend we’re all pretty much fucked.

It’s discombobulated me enough to take a brief breaky-break from the cover lettering and concentrate on less productive pursuits, such as posting a bitchy blog about it. Screw productivity, I guess.

But really, if all else fails, I could always just staple a twenty to my next application.