Top Chef

Padma: For today’s Quickfire Challenge, you are to assemble an edible meal using only the ingredients in Julie’s kitchen.
Contestant 1: Wait, “edible”? That’s the only requirement?
Padma: Yes. The meal must be edible, and cannot cause the judges physical harm.
Contestant 2: Are you serious? Is this a joke?
Padma: No, this is not a joke.
Contestant 3: You guys aren’t even trying anymore…

To the camera:
Contestant 1: Are you bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeping kidding me? I’ve got this one in the bag!
Contestant 2: These jokers won’t know what hit them when they see what I come up with.
Contestant 3: I think it’s a trap, but lucky for me I spent most of my childhood escaping from possum traps.

In the kitchen:
The Contestants are searching through the contents of Julie’s Kitchen, opening drawers and cabinets and scouring the refrigerator.

Contestant 1: Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. There are no eggs? Where are the eggs? How am I supposed to make a quiche without any bleeeeeeeping eggs?!
Contestant 2: What are “Toastee Whole Grain Oh’s?”
Contestant 3:  I think these raisins have expired…

Contestant 1: Ok, no eggs. That’s ok, that’s ok… I can make… uh… Well, there’s a some oatmeal. Oh, and here’s another can of oatmeal… Wait, is this more oatmeal? Why is there so much bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeping oatmeal?!
Contestant 2: I don’t understand. Why is this cheese already shredded?
Contestant 3: These strawberries are fuzzy…

Contestant 1: Bleeeeeeeeeeeep this bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep I’m bleeeeeeeeeeping outta here!
Contestant 2: I AM TOO CONFUSED.
Contestant 3:
I’m going home.

At the Judges’ Table
Padma: Chefs, you were tasked with preparing an edible meal using only the contents of Julie’s kitchen. Let’s see what you’ve come up with. Contestant 1, this appears to be a bowl of… pencil shavings?
Contestant 1: It’s spices. Why were so many bleeeeeeeeep seasonings if THERE’S NOTHING TO BLEEEEEEEEEEP SEASON?!
I’m sorry, Contestant 1, but I’m afraid you’ve missed the mark. Contestant 2? This is…? What is this?
Contestant 2: It’s called being resourceful!
Padma: It appears you just squirted mustard onto a kitchen sponge… Um, contestant 3? We have another dish served in a bowl…
Contestant 3:  I call it a naked PB & J.
Padma: Naked?
Contestant 3: Well, there was no bread, so…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: