the sloppy copy

I want to watch a television show.

Or maybe a movie, but not a super long movie. My attention span tops out at about 46 minutes. So maybe a movie I can watch in parts. That would work.

It should be clever. The dialog can be fast, but not over my head. I get lost easily when it comes to politics or business or corruption. Oh, God, especially corruption. Those are the worst – what is this guy doing and why is it bad? I ask myself. If it doesn’t involve ding-a-linging the hot young assistant or blatantly stealing wads of cash, I won’t get it and you’ll lose me ten minutes in. Read: I don’t do subtle.

But really cheesy, completely improbable science fiction? Sure, I’ll take it. That’ll do.

So it should be clever, possibly science fiction-y, but not about subtle political corruption.

It should also feature people who are easy on the eyes. No uggos.

Oh- it should also have a combination of comedy and drama. Some people call this dramedy, but I prefer crama: more comedy than drama.

I can only handle so much drama.

I mean, a little is ok. Even a little melodrama. The hot main character might have to be imperiled, right?

The main character is hot, I mentioned that…right?

He (it’s a he) can have some sort of Dark Past, but nothing too cliche. Everyone’s a drunk who was beaten by their old man, am I right? Borrrring! Maybe Hot Protagonist has some terrible affliction! That would add some intrigue!

But nothing, like, gross. I don’t want to watch a Crama about psoriasis or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

…And nothing in his Dark Past should be too existentially-angsty. There’s nothing I hate more than watching some hot mopey moperson mope about his mopey-mope-mope lot in life.

I think, also, someone should have a dog. I like dogs.

Cussing is okay. Nudity is encouraged.

Can it be set in Australia? Or, better yet: New Zealand. No, wait. Canada. It should be set in Canada.

That’s all I got.