I asked WordPress to hassle me if I didn’t post something once a week. I thought it would build accountability, or some shit, but I was wrong. It only drives me more nuts. Lay off, WordPress. Give me a break. It’s been a busy week, okay? Geeeeeeeez.
…Busy, huh? Like when you were laying on your couch watching Flight of the Conchords the other day? Yeah, you looked pretty busy then.
A…I wasn’t laying down because B…I was eating lunch. That totally doesn’t count. I decided to —
Or when you spent, like, ten solid minutes at your bedroom window watching your neighbors try to fit a mattress into a U-Haul? That was nice, Julie. Way to be a good neighbor.
Wha—? What was I supposed to do? Come down and be like “Oh, hey, I’ve been watching you move out all morning. Do you need any help? I don’t think —
You realize that the time you’ve spent typing this imaginary argument could have been better spent by —
I snapped this when I was out a few days ago. Do you see what made me cringe?* I almost had a fit. This is right up there with the sign at my local grocery store that hangs above the “CAN FOOD” aisle. Seriously? the FUCK? The food isn’t being fed to the fucking can. The food has been put into a fucking can. Thus, it has been canned. It is CANNED FOOD.
Okay, sometimes I get upset. Apologies.
*If you don’t, I’m sorry. Actually, I’m not. Because once your brain recognizes mistakes like this, you can’t un-see it…. and you will be driven to madness, where you spend your days arguing with yourself. In print.