Monthly Archives: October 2019

Do people without microwaves drink their coffee faster?

“You strike me as a minimalist. The kind of person who doesn’t have a trash can or a microwave.”

I took this as a compliment when someone told me this the other day, but I was quick to correct her that I am most definitely not a minimalist.

Wouldn’t that be something, though?

I occasionally catch myself daydreaming about that possibility. And at the risk of sounding full of myself, I think I could hack it a bit more easily than some. Again – because I think about the logistics of it fairly regularly.

Of course, I’m only considering my own personal definition of minimalist: one without extra stuff. Someone who uses everything they have. I don’t think I’d take it so far as to get rid of the trash can. The microwave could probably go, though. We can go days without using ours. In fact, my only regular uses for it are to warm up cups of coffee that I’m taking too long to finish or to gently warm up a sandwich or make popcorn. Sandwiches can be warmed in the oven. Popcorn can be made on the stove.

I guess I could reheat my coffee on the stove, too?

Or just drink it faster.


Hi-ho, Cheerio.

I have a dim memory of the introduction of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios to my local supermarket aisles. One moment while I consult the Internets to confirm that this occurred within the span of my memory.

Ah, yes. 1988. This tracks.

Anyway. My point is: I’m old enough to recall a time when only two Cheerios flavors existed: OG Cheerios and Honey Nut, and the hubbub surrounding the addition of Apple Cinnamon to this grainy fray.

Of course, more flavors slowly appeared over the years. I believe Multi-Grain Cheerios was one of the next to be introduced, no?

One moment.

Yes. Released 1992, relaunched 2009.

The mid-2000s unleashed a steady stream of new flavors: Frosted. Fruity. Banana Nut.* And as time passes, the onslaught increases in frequency. More recently we’ve seen Peanut Butter. Chocolate. Ancient Grain. Even a Pumpkin Fucking Spice flavory’all.

I always turned my nose at these oat monstrosities. I was disappointed in Cheerios for caving to such silly demands for breakfast garbage. A Cheerios purist, I am.

Until yesterday, when Gentleman Friend and I went grocery shopping and he added a box of Blueberry Cheerios to our cart.

I rolled my eyes, but readily admitted this was not a downright terrible combination. After all, Kellogg’s is currently churning out boxes of brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts cereal. It could be worse, is all I’m saying.

And after trying a bowl of Blueberry Cheerios this morning, I felt compelled to publicly announce that I’m once again a Cheerios believer. The power of blueberries compels me.



*Looking for a stage names for your gay men’s barbershop trio? Here. You are welcome.