the sloppy copy

A quick between-posts update on my experiment of yesterday:

I didn’t write anything down.

<insert crying-laughing emoji here because lol julie what did you tell yourself oh so funny you predicted the future lol lol lamorslfololololamo>

Because this is an inconsequential thing over which to dwell / lament / beat oneself up – I won’t.

(I will say this: I was a few percentage points more aware of the songs in my head yesterday and this morning. This counts for something, for whomever counts such things).

How much thought do you put to the song that’s currently stuck in your head? If you’re like me, a song plays on a loop in the background of your conscious thoughts for most of the day. Only sporadically do I focus my attention on that music: What song is that? Why is that song playing in my head?

Sometimes it’s a song from a commercial that I don’t even remember seeing or it’s one I heard playing in the background as I shopped or dined out. Sometimes it’s triggered because some of the lyrics contain words I repeated to myself or heard others say- maybe I even read those words somewhere?

Of course, what’s playing is just a line from a larger (longer) whole: the chorus, perhaps? Occasionally just music without words; these times can be the most frustrating for me because sometimes I can’t place the larger piece from which my brain has arbitrarily taken it.

I’ve set out to intentionally write down each time I’m aware that a song or piece of a song is stuck in my head in a given day but this is not the simple task it poses as.* See, this requires a level of mindfulness that is difficult for me to maintain for an entire dang day. My success comes in fits and starts: I’ll start off strong and fade. Or I pick back up as the day is ending. But to do so throughout an entire day? Difficult.

But not impossible!

I’m going to give it a go today.

To start: I have a bit of a song in my head but I have no idea what it is. I’m going to dive down a Google/YouTube hole and come up for air in a bit. Stay tuned, folks…

*as which it poses? Under which it poses? Help.

Happy Daylight Savings Time, y’all! It’s already November, which means it’s time for me to suddenly remember that I vowed last year to participate in NaNoWriMo – or, as I like to call it – Naw, imma no write no mo’.

Because that’s what I do, every year.

This year, though? This year will be –

Eh. The same.

What happens when one falls into the habit of beating themselves up for not doing x, never starting y, putting off z? Well, let me tell ya, Dear Fucking Reader: Their drive to do anything is gradually eroded into a delicate pile of pulverized hopes and dreams, scattering to the four winds with an errant sneeze.

So I’m tryyyyying – sorta – to give myself a little grace. I guess. But not too much, because I think it’s probably important that I have a little discipline, too. Nothing hard was ever achieved without hard work. That sounds like something I saw in an inspirational tweet once, I think.

So I’m NOT 30,000 words into my debut novel right now.* But that doesn’t mean that I can’t take some initiative and get back in the swing of things. See? I’m writing this now! Look, ma! I’m doing it! Actually, don’t look. There’s too much swearing here.

Until next time, pals. I’ll try not to make you wait a month for another post.

*I don’t even want to write a goddamn novel. Fiction is HARD. Telling stories that I’ve lived through or heard about it way easier. Right? This can’t be just me.