the sloppy copy

The history of Global Positioning Systems and satellites is strangely fascinating to me, notwithstanding the adaptation of this technology to automotive nav systems. “With the passion of a thousand suns”* would accurately describe my general distaste for the Garmins, TomToms, Magellans, and K-Mart knock-offs of the western world.

Okay, so maybe that’s a teensy bit of an overstatement. Perhaps what I’m trying  to say is that I hate how one tiny little touch screen seems to transform so many otherwise intelligent, resourceful, humans into incompetent, confused morons.

That, my friends, is not an overstatement. Exhibit A (excuse the poor video quality):

Exhibit B:
A conversation in the car with my father, held while visiting my brother late last week:
Dad takes out the GPS (which Juanita has named George, because, well, I don’t know) and plugs it in. He chooses the address to which we’re traveling (which turns out to be a gas station approximately 150 yards from our Starting Location) and hits “Go.”
George: Please drive to highlighted route.
Dad: Where’s that? What?
Me: It just wants you to leave the parking lot.
Dad: And go where?
Me: Just head back out to the highway.
Dad: But where do I go?
Me: Just leave the parking lot.
Dad: And turn where?
Me: Okay, well, when you get to the road, you can only – you know – go one way.
Dad: What do you mean?
Me: I MEAN IT’S A ONE WAY STREET.
Dad: Why is it telling me to go the other way?
Me: (in my head: OH MY GOD, DAD, I CAN SEE THE GAS STATION FROM WHERE WE ARE PARKED RIGHT NOW. JUST DRIVE TO IT! DRIVE TO IT! DRIVE TO IT!) aloud: Well, it looks like the Sinclair is across the street, so however you need to get to it, just – you know – do that.
Dad: Oh, is that where we’re going?

I’m all for technology – to a point. It’s done some pretty kick-ass things. But I worry that, if it can transform my normally-capable father into a confused mush-brain, what does this mean for the future? I mean, are they even teaching kids how to read a map in school?**

C’est la vie, say the old folks. It goes to show you never can tell.



*Or however that phrase goes. And where did that originate, anyway?
**What are they teaching them in school, anyway? Don’t get me started. I don’t like sounding like an old lady before noon.

Hadn’t heard of this one until one of my staff members requested that it be included on completely-illegally-burned staff mix CD. I dig it – do you? (Also, skip the vid, if you please. It’s just the lyrics, but it’s the clearest sound I could find on Youtube).

“In the Sun” / Joseph Arthur  (2000)

One of my friends quotes Daniel Tosh a lot. Like, a lot-lot. And until recently, I just sort of laughed and nodded along, recognizing only those jokes that I caught on Comedy Central commercials in the brief here-and-there snippets I can catch of cable television (and after awhile, recognizing the jokes she’d quote most frequently, even going so far as to spit them back at her as if I, too, was familiar with them firsthand. See how I did that? It’s called years of practice at trying to look cool. I am the master*).

Uh, well, anyway. Moving right along. While I was folding metric tonnages of laundry the other night, I watched Tosh’s Comedy Central special Daniel Tosh: Completely Serious. I don’t normally watch stand-up specials, but I figured I’d try to throw Netflix through (for?) a (the?) loop** and mix it up a bit – Haha, Netflix! You predict that I will rate this Lifetime Movie with two stars, but I gave it three just because it features an actor I find physically attractive who was in that one episode of that one show and now according to some really obscure message board I read, he’s in the background of one of the opening scenes and yes, I purposefully watched the entire fucking thing hoping he’d reappear later but NOPE I just wasted 92 minutes of my life, so yeah, I guess you win this time, Netflix.

It was pretty stinkin’ funny, let me tell ya. His style isn’t exactly gentle or subtle humor, and there were more than a few “Wow, did he just say that?” jokes. But there’s a big part of me that likes that kind of thing, in a “well, we’re all thinking it, right?” kind of way. Tosh himself even says “I don’t pander to the audience” at one point. Well, duh, Daniel. That was pretty obvious from the get-go.

But before you’re completely turned off, the jokes about dirty Cajuns and the morning-after pill are only lightly sprinkled around other one-liner gems like “I don’t think I could stab somebody, ’cause I’m really bad at a Capri Sun” or “‘Money doesn’t buy happiness.’ Uh, do you live in America? ‘Cause it buys a WaveRunner. Have you ever seen a sad person on a WaveRunner? Have you?”

So, internets, have you seen this special? What did you think? And do you watch his internet-clip show Tosh.0 (I think I’m the only one in North America who does not, if I am to believe aforementioned Friend)?

I’d give it 4/5 stars, if I gave ratings for things like this (have I before? It’s been so long since I reviewed something I forgot).

*Really, Julie? Uh, anyone who claims they’re a master at pretending to be cool is clearly a master of being a shithead.

**For the love of Christ will someone explain to me how that expression goes?

Did you see where the woman fell off the motorcycle? Bike went one way, she went the other, slid under the wheels of an SUV…

*pause*

It was a nice bike, too.

Oh sing it, Waylon!

“Are You Sure Hank Done it This Way?”   / Waylon Jennings (1975)

Also if you don’t have the urge to get up and do some country line dancing when you hear this, well, I just don’t know what to say to you.

Trippy vid, but consider the subject matter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch84fmOa414

“Brian Wilson” / Barenaked Ladies (1992)

Also, I think my brother has Steven Page’s glasses…

Really? She’s doing two Ben Folds songs in a week? 

Shut up, it’s my damn blog.

This one isn’t of the obviously-obvious variety: I picked it because of one single line. Listen closely at about the 2:47 mark:

“Battle of Who Could Care Less” / Ben Folds Five (1997)

Did you pick it out? “You see, I found your old ID, and you’re all dressed up like The Cure.” 
(see right)

This whole song is full of lines I love: “You think Rockford Files is cool, but there are some things you would change if it were up to you.” Folds is a sublime songwriter.

This might just be my favorite Song About Another Singer. Well no shit, you’re saying. He’s fucking singing about Elliott Smith and you manage to include one of his songs in every single fucking theme week you think up. Enough already, we get it!

Um, excuse me. This is a good goddamn song, one songwriter to another. It’s poignant, and I hate using that word. (Note: the song fades out too early at the end of this video for some reason, but it’s the best vid I could find on youtube that wasn’t some emo 12-year-old playing it on his Casio keyboard).

“Late” / Ben Folds (2005)
The lyrics:

Under some dirty words on a dirty wall
Eating takeout by myself
I played the shows
Got back in the van and put the Walkman on
And you were playing

In some other dive a thousand miles away
I played a thousand times before
And like pathetic stars, the truck stops and the rock club walls
I always knew
You saw them too
But you never will again

It’s too late
Don’t you know
It’s been too late
For a long time

Elliott, man, you played a fine guitar
And some dirty basketball
The songs you wrote
Got me through a lot
Just wanna tell you that

But it’s too late
It’s too late
No, don’t you know
it’s been too late
for a long time

Oh no
Things were looking up
Least that’s what I heard
Oh no
Someone came and washed away your hard-earned
Peace of mind

When desperate static beats the silence up
A quiet truth to calm you down
The songs you wrote
Got me through a lot
Just wanna tell you that

But it’s too late
It’s too late
No, don’t you know
It’s been too late
For a long time
It’s too late
It’s too late
No, don’t you know
It’s been too late
For a long time

Thanks to one Mr. Gavin Edwards and others like him, I now know that I’m not alone in thinking that Dobie Gray was singing Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul…  For quite awhile, I just thought the singer who was part of “The In Crowd” was also just a real big fan of surf rock (I mean, who isn’t?).

Turns out Mr. Gray is just a fan of comma-ed punctuation in his lyrics: Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul… I’m sure anyone can see why six-year-old Julie was confused.*

This disordered auditory processing has birthed some pretty silly musical parodies (OOOoh, I smell another Theme Week!), but it’s also led me to make a list of songs about other singers. While “Drift Away” wouldn’t technically be on the list, I’m still including a link below because, gosh darn it, it’s a good song (See, Dobie? I like commas, too!).

This week I bring to you: Singers Singing About Other Singers! Stay tuned, and as always, feel free to leave suggestions!

“Drift Away” / Dobie Gray (1973)



*See also: Sixteen-year-old Julie

And around the corner we have the kitchen, with updated tile and OH MY GOD THE ALIENS ARE BACK!