Oh, girls…

Oh, girls.

I’d say that Diablo Cody and her impossibly-quirky Juno MacGuff* ruined it for you but you’ve been eccentricizing yourself for years now.

I’m not sure that you understand that you don’t, you know, need to. You are lovable enough as-is. The name-dropping of obscure bands is actually a little annoying. We don’t care if your favorite band is “just” The Beatles. They’re a solid group of musicians; it’s okay to like them. I mean, If you tell us that Corky and the Juice Pigs is your favorite band, I’m sure that even Corky himself would raise an eyebrow.

It’s okay that your clothes match. Quit shopping at Goodwill for your t-shirts. We know that you didn’t play on that softball team. And do you even like orange Crush?

And your mom isn’t actually crazy. You know that, right? She takes no psychopharmaceuticals. She just likes to sing to herself. I mean, who doesn’t? And she loves you, that’s why she calls to check in.

Oh, girls.

Isn’t it exhausting to be that witty, all of the time? I mean, doesn’t it give you a headache to be constantly thinking? And seriously: no one understands all of the references on Family Guy, so you can stop laughing knowingly when you watch it. The show’s funny, but when you laugh that hard it’s a little forced.

It’s okay to like girly things. Sneakers are nice, yes. But it’s okay to like wearing high heels sometimes. If you’re actually into punk, cool. But if you’re not, and you pretend that you are, it’s sorta obvious.

I’m not sayin’ that I haven’t fallen victim to these traps myself. We all probably do, from time to time. Hell, it’s actually kinda fun to reinvent yourself that way. But all the time? That’s just fucking irritating for the rest of us.

Oh, girls, wake up.

*or Zach Braff and his Sam, or Amy Sherman-Palladino and her Lorelai Gilmore, or…

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