Craiglist

I wonder what this woman would say if I applied for this job?

Looking for a babysitter/assistant
Hello i am looking for a sitter just a few hours. everyother day while i go work out and tan. Might also need some that can travel out of town with me for my daughters beauty pageants!!!
Please let me know alittle about your self. Please (no moms) I need someone there for my children!Thanks

Better yet, what would I say to her?

I won’t keep you guessing, here it is:
You need someone “there for your children?” What about you, dipshit? I don’t like to make a habit out of wishing ill will on others, but I hope that tanning addiction of yours catches up to you sooner than later. Maybe just a bit of a basal cell carcinoma, possibly on the end of your surgically-modified nose. I hope it leaves a scar and your children (or is there more than one? The lack of proper punctuation confuses me) hate you. Okay, okay, easy there Julie. Calm down.

I hate people.

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