Letter to Craigslist job-posters

Dear Craigslist job-posters,
First, a question: Do you really want me to apply for this position? Or is it a joke? Because I think it’s a joke. I mean, I can see why you’re in need of a wrtier/editor for youre websit, because it appears that you had to resort to asking a marmot with a limited grasp of English grammar to post your ad.

Second, is this a joke? No. I’m serious. When the text

is posted like this, as if it were originally typed in, oh I

don’t know? Microsof

t Word? (No. Probably Notepad) but you forgot to adju

st the formatting so that it was readable on-line

it’s difficult for me to take it seriously. Also, it’s hard to actually, you know, read what you have to say.

"Wait, is it 'your' or 'you're'? Oh, screw it. I'm taking a nap."

Third, you’re joking, right? I’ve read through your entire ad twice and I still don’t know exactly what you want me to do. You’ve provided me with many EXCITING WORDS with NUMEROUS SYLLABLES typed in SUPERFLUOUS CAPITAL LETTERS, and yet – I’ve not the faintest, foggiest, blurriest inkling as to what the position for which I MUST APPLY TODAY might entail.

And yes, I see that your ad is approximately 15 pages long, in one solid, unbreaking paragraph, but I’m not closer to figuring out a) the job title or b) the job description than I am to becoming House Majority Leader.

So, you’re kidding, right?

Majority Leader for the United States House of Representatives Steny "I don't know what it's short for, either" Hoyer

Fourth (last), you’ve got to be joking, right? I’ll be compensated $.0001 per word for each article I submit, with a minimum of 45,202 articles to be submitted per week, at a minimum of 5,000 words per article? No sweat, asshat. Even though I’ve not done any freelance work or paid blogging, I will blindly assume that this is the fair market rate for the HIGH QUALITY WRITTING that you desire. You also say that I can write on any subject I choose, eh? Well, Mister Man, I happen to really enjoy researching and writing about the history of tobacco in the United States, in particular the development of the Ultra Light Cigarette and its impact on global marketing strategies. Think you’ve got some work for me? Because you specifically say that I won’t have to write about things in which I have no EXPERTS OR PERSONNEL INTRESTS.

In summation, if you would be so kind as to provide me with a clearly-worded, succinct job description for a position that actually exists and for which the work is fairly compensated, I would be more than happy to submit my clearly-worded and succinct cover letter and resume.

Otherwise, are you joking?

Yours truly,

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