poll results, pt. trois: The Good Life

Here is the third part of my “what do you want to read about?” poll: write a completely made-up entry about made up things. Thanks for being patient.


It really bothers me when people ask how I can know some things – what television is, for example – and not know others – like who this “sponge bob” person is. Quit thinking so hard about it! That’s just how it is, people.

And you know – maybe it is just a “people thing” – when I talk to Mo about The Real Housewives, he doesn’t stop me and ask how I know what a housewife is. He just listens to my story. I mean, he usually has a wad of hay in his mouth, but he’s not interrupting me. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure Mo knows what a housewife is. He’s probably just being polite.

Mo’s a good guy. A little slow on the uptake sometimes, but an overall cool cat.

You call this a fancy feast? Gross.

Ugh. Cats. I know what they are. No thank you. Why would you want something that enormous and loud running all over your living space, unrestricted? And don’t get me started on their food. I see these things eating sloppy piles of goo on television all the frickin’ time. Disgusting! Try some kale sometime, cat!

Oh – where was I? Right. How I know what I know. Well, I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t get some of my information from the TV – it’s how I know about The Real Housewives and the cat food and the great explorers in Human History, like Columbus and Dora. But overall, I’d like to think that I’m a pretty observant fella. I mean, it’s hard not to be, when so much is happening around you and above you all the time.

Sometimes I think that Mo doesn’t really like all the happenings. He’s always trying to make a break for it. When they pick us up and let us run around, he heads for the sofa every single time! Me, I’m okay with staying on the sponge bob blanket. There’s a whole lot to take in from there, trust me. I can hear them chopping carrots in the Food Room, I can smell the fresh hay that’s in the big bag in the closet, and I can watch the servants scrubbing out our living space and making everything fresh and clean.

Haha, I’m just kidding. I know they’re not really our servants, but they do bring us our food, clean up after us, and run to get us carrots when we let out a little squeak every once in awhile. They let us have the run of the TV Room every day, and after Mo calms down they’ll let us take a little nap in their sweatshirts while they watch the Wizard of Dr. Oz. Oh, man, I really love it when the blond one wears the the Usctrojans one – it’s so soft.

So regardless of what I know and how I know it, I’m sure of one thing:

Life is pretty good.

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