Author’s Note: I am confident that this is Part One of what will surely be a Multi-Part Series
Dear Neighbors,
First:
Hey! It’s about 12:00 Central Standard Time. Meaning, AM. Wasn’t sure if you knew that or not.
Second:
I never studied physics formally. Did you? No? Yeah, I figured. See, I ask because I think there’s some sort of Science behind how noise travels through a small, densely-populated apartment complex on an evening when most folks have their windows open.
I've never met you, Neighbor, but I am assuming this is not you. (Image: edwinsallan.blogspot.com - though he probably stole it from someone else)
Third:
“Love Shack,” huh? Nice choice, but I would have opted for “Rock Lobster” myself. But then again, I wasn’t invited to your karaoke party. If I had been, I surely would have talked your friend (or was that you?) out of that lively version of “Don’t Stop Believin.'” Or maybe I would have encouraged the continuation of Karaoke Night, because the Live Jam Band Afterparty was a bit much.
Fourth:
Please do not misinterpret me: I’ve nothing against 80s power ballads, electric guitars or one-hit wonders. In fact, I love all of these things equally (but in Different Ways – this is a line I’m practicing for when I have children). It’s just that Other Neighbors seemed to be a bit put-off. I mean, I’m just guessing that’s what that one dude meant when he screamed SHUT THE FUCK UP from his balcony. (See also: violent crime statistics for small, densely-populated apartment complex in lower-income area).
Yours truly,
Julie
the sloppy copy 