the sloppy copy

Subtitle: “Breaking Up is Easy To Do” Wouldn’t Have Sold NEARLY as Many Records
Sub-subtitle: Though, really: Neil Sedaka could sing about his family dying in a nuclear accident and he’d probably still sound happy.

Okay: Wasn’t there a movie about this?* Some magic channel-changer movie? Click, I think it was called? Starring Adam Sandler? I never saw this movie, but I’m pretty confident that it didn’t win any major awards. Writing, directing, acting, sound mixing, editing, lighting and producing aside, here’s why (note the caps for emphasis):

We don’t need a fast-forward button for life. YOU ARE YOUR OWN FAST FORWARD.

Sorry: did I not make myself clear? Once again, for the cheap seats:

YOU ARE YOUR OWN FAST FORWARD.

so. freaking. smiley.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. The ability to just will  something to be over would be pretty freaking sweet, wouldn’t it? Just skip on through that root canal, say. Or an unpleasant conversation with someone. Or even something much more significant – the aftermath of a personal or public disaster, for instance.

Like if your family were killed in a nuclear accident. That’d be rough.**

Humans possess the unique (read: kick-ass) ability to not just experience a wide variety of emotions, but to rationally process through them. Is this tricky? You betcha. But does it help us, in the long run? More importantly: DOES IT EXPEDITE OUR OWN HEALING PROCESS?

Oh fuck yes.

A lot of folks have heard that whole “That which does not kill me, makes me stronger” line, right? It’s unfortunately become cliche as hell, but it’s no less true. If we were never tested emotionally, we’d just be a race of flat affect-ed, unthinking morons (who would go positively bonkers at the first sign of trouble).

Man! When you think about it, you really have a whole fuckton of personal power within you! I mean, it might be hard to wrap your head around it right this very second, but geez-o-Pete: whatever it is you’re facing right now… shit. You got this.

It probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but you got this. It’ll suck for the time being, but eventually? Wow. This’ll all seem like it happened ten, twenty, thirty thousand years ago. IF  you let it. IF  you give yourself up to the process of  be-ing and healing and not-wallowing (better word choice? I don’t mean that condescendingly).

Julie, who the fuck are you talking to?
Everyone, asshole. Yours truly included…But I think there are some folks out there who need to hear this. Right now.

*Not the Sedaka family dying in a nuclear accident, that is. I think that‘d be more suited for a PBS documentary, and the project probably wouldn’t involve Adam Sandler. Maybe we could get Bill Kurtis to narrate. Except I think maybe Mr. Kurtis has since passed.

Oh, God, no: BILL KURTIS IS STILL WITH US. Please disregard that last comment. DEEPEST APOLOGIES. Wikipedia to the rescue.

**Unless Neil Sedaka wrote a song about it, of course.