I realize that with everything I am about to type here, I’m basically saying GO AHEAD AND HACK ME, MOTHA-EFFAHS but I also realize that I’m just giving a voice to the masses-upon-masses of other Joe Schmoes who do the same. damn. thing.
So here goes.
I have, essentially, three passwords. For everything. In my entire life.
Do you have any idea how many things need passwords? No, do not try and count them, because the answer is ALL OF THE THINGS. ALL OF THE THINGS NEED PASSWORDS.
EVERY. SINGLE. THING.
In my new job, I have NO LESS THAN five login/password combinations. Basically, every single program out of which I do work has its own combination. And I say “combination” because, as I mentioned earlier, I just mix-and-match the same three generic passwords over and over again.
Sounds simple, eh? No. You are wrong. I tried to make it easy on myself, but now it’s turned into some terrifying game of Memory.
Because if I type the wrong login/password combination more than – Oh, I don’t know? – two times, I get locked out of the system. This hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’m told this is a Very Bad Thing.
In fact, I can’t think the phrase “locked out of the system” without hearing that jail-cell-doors-sliding-shut-and-locking sound effect in my mind. You know what I’m talking about. You’re hearing it too.
So I wrote down all of the login/password combinations on a sheet of paper with the heading “IF YOU WANT TO FUCK OVER THE NEW GIRL, HERE IS HOW: “
No, not really. I wrote them out in Julie Code, which means it makes sense to me now but I give myself one more week before I can’t understand my gibberish and esoteric abbreviations.
Which, apparently, is okay, because we must reset out passwords regularly. I heard it was every six months or so, which I’m sure is exactly the amount of time it will take me before I don’t have to sit and organize my thoughts before I log in.