“Play next episode?” is Netflix for “Put off washing the dishes for another hour?”

If you’re looking for a way to eat up a large chunk of your free time, might I suggest becoming (temporarily) obsessed with a television show?

The process of finding a show and really getting into generally begins spontaneously, but if you’d like to expedite the process I’ve outlined it below. Just follow these simple steps and you will soon be well on your way to rabid fandom.

1. Turn on the television while you are performing some sort of mundane task, such as trimming your nails or ironing your work pants. 
Originally meant as background noise, you will catch something interesting and your ears will perk up. When you glance up at the screen, you see someone doing something that catches your interest. Perhaps this character is kicking down a door to get at a Bad Guy. You like it when Good Guys kick down doors. It is exciting. You want to know who this Good Guy is, and what the Bad Guy did. Maybe Good Guy is saving his partner in police officer-ing, or firefighting, or time-travelling, or detective-ing, or astronaut-ing, or Army-ing. Either way, they lead gritty lives and have gritty careers – the kind that gets them into all sorts of trouble – and you want to know more. Also, they are devastatingly handsome.

2. Find out what the hell show this is.
Wait. Is THAT what this show is? No freaking way! I’ve totally heard of this show! I see it on all the time but I never watched it. Huh. Oh, there’s another episode on next. Maybe I’ll check this out. I had no idea this is what this show was about. This is way cooler than I thought. 

3. Settle in for the next episode.
Become completely sucked in: How did these people get there? What the hell are they talking about? Is that a Good Guy? Does that person know that other person is a Bad Guy? Are these dudes brothers, or what? Who’s this chick? Why do they keep talking about x, y and z? Is that important to the Plot? I think it’s important to the plot.

This sure-as-shit better be on Netflix instant streaming or I’m going to cut someone.

4. Plan your schedule for the next month-or-so accordingly
Start thinking up excuses for being late/absent to work. Or not meeting up with friends. Or putting off mopping the floor, or taking the ferret to the vet, or bathing yourself. Because “I only have 8 episodes left in this season, and only 4 more seasons to go until I’m caught up” might not be an excuse that others “get.”

Because they obviously have no taste, but whatever.

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