once upon a mattress

Rule 1:
it must not be too hot. If there is even a chance of it being even slightly too warm, there must be a fan. Or air conditioning, but I’m trying not to be too much of a princess here.

Rule 2:
the attire must be appropriate. In most instances, this will include socks. Dire heat negates the desire (not need) for socks, but this point is moot if we are following Rule 1.
Rule 2.1:
Absolutely no toe socks.

Rule 3: 
pillows are to be grouped as follows:

  • no more than 1 (one) of appropriate density beneath the head
  • no more than 1 (one) of slightly more squishy density around the foot/leg area, to be used beneath or between the knees, depending on Sleeping Position
  • auxiliary pillows may be be placed to the left or right of the head, but are not necessary
  • auxiliary pillow may be placed behind (not beneath!) the head as a precaution against accidental concussive contact between wall/head

Rule 4:
sheets and blankets are to never be tucked underneath the mattress while in use; rather – blankets are to be tucked around the user, burrito-style, for maximum comfort

Rule 5:
the blanket must be of appropriate mass; it cannot be too lightweight nor can it be suffocating. In instances when one blanket is too thin, and does not provide comfortable cover, a second blanket or sheet may be added. If a sheet is added, it does not need to be the first layer of cover. It is allowable to be layered atop the first blanket, as it is being used merely as ballast.

Rule 6:
clock is to be clearly visible, even when one is not wearing her glasses

Rule 7:
sleeper reserves the right to modify / delete / add to these rules as she deems necessary.




2 thoughts on “once upon a mattress

  1. Katie says:

    Well that settles it. You and I will never sleep together.

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