Amazon also recommends: a good GI doc

Hi. I’m one of those people who order many, many things from Amazon. Side note: I am also one of those who are easily guilted by Netflix documentaries that tell my brain I’m a terrible person for buying my razors in bulk over the internet and that I’m personally responsible for killing the dreams of the owner of the artisanal razory in my hometown.

There are also times when I remember that my hometown lacks a supplier of hand-crafted facial tissues and I think I’m probably not single-handedly responsible for the downfall of the maker economy.

So yeah. I’m about to place an order for some bulk toilet paper and baking soda and other household shit that 7-year-old me never in her wildest dreams imagined a credit card could ever be used for. And in placing said order, I have the option to Subscribe and Save! which is always so very tempting because I imagine myself to be some sort of thrifty, efficient shopper (spoiler: I’m not) but I’ve never committed to this because what if I’m wrong and my delivery is mis-scheduled and I end up running out or overstocked with something?

I currently get kitty litter sent to us this way on the cheapy-cheap through another company but I am CONSTANTLY amending my delivery schedule because – for example – right now we have roughly 439 lbs of it stored in various nooks and crannies of our abode because I didn’t stop the auto-deliveries in time and they just kept marching in like those buckets in Fantasia

I digress. Angrily so.

Anyway, I figured I’d try to calculate how often I order TP from the Amazons and try the Subscribe and Save! option. Among the presets from which I can choose is an “every 2 months options” which….well. Let’s math it out, shall we?

Product: one 24-pack of “mega rolls” of toilet paper (308 sheets per roll)
Delivery frequency: once every 8 weeks

Assuming that the “2 month period” equals 8 full weeks/ 56 days and that the next delivery arrives just as the previous supply is vanquished, this would mean a household is using 43% of one roll of toilet paper in one single day.

This is:
* appx. 132 sheets per day

Which, in a household of 4 toilet-using and bowel-moving humans, is:
* 33 sheets per day

Which, based on personal experience with this particular – high-quality – brand and the average number of sheets used at a time (I am not a toilet paper scrooge, tmi and btw), equals:
* Anywhere from 8 – 11 trips to the bathroom per day

Or, in my particular household of 2 toilet-using and bowel-moving humans, this equals:
* Anywhere from 16 – 22 trips to the bathroom per day

Horrified, I simply added my purchase to my cart. I’ll Subscribe and Save! another time.


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