the sloppy copy

Geico. So easy, Jayson Werth of the Philadelphia Phillies can do it.

For the record, a few folks I work with and my mom made this observation (independent of each other) before I did.

I’ve long suspected that the writer responsible for the “Debbie Downer” sketches from Saturday Night Live was somehow acquainted with my mother, though admittedly my mom’s particular flavor of morbidity isn’t quite as dramatic as Debbie’s.

Our conversation this morning:

Julie (upon waking up and seeing her mother): Good morning.
Mom: Three people were shot.
Julie (disoriented, as ‘Good morning’ were the first words she spoke for the day): Huh? What?
Mom: In Greece. They’re rioting over the Euro.
Julie: O…kaaaay?

In response to widely-circulated rumors surrounding the USA Network’s original series In Plain Sight, network executives confirmed yesterday that series co-star Frederick Weller is, in fact, a genetic cross between eccentric actor Gary Busey and He-Man villain Skeletor.

Weller

Fans of the series have long suspected that the actor portraying a U.S. Marshal named – of all damn things -“Marshall,” was either based on the “Mr. Joshua” character in the original Lethal Weapon or on the humanoid archnemesis hell-bent on capturing Castle Greyskull.

According to official documents, biotechnology group GeneCon approached the network after obtaining an advanced copy of the series’ pilot. “The description of the ‘Marshall’ character just caught our attention,” said GeneCon spokeswoman Laura Helm. “When our scientists read that ‘Marshall should appear gaunt and semi-human’ we just knew that we had the perfect solution to their casting dilemma.”

“When the opportunity presented itself, we just couldn’t turn it down” said network president Thom Davies, adding: “GeneCon done good with this one.”

Busey

“Casting a cartoon – human hybrid is unprecedented on basic cable television,” according to Davies. “We are truly breaking new ground here.”

Skeletor

Co-star Mary McCormack was apparently hesitant when initially introduced to her co-star. “At first I thought he was going to kidnap me and take me back to the Evil Horde, but then he showed me all the cool shit he could do with his Havoc Staff and it was like ‘Dude, this guy’s all right!'”

You might have to bear with me for a bit. I’m back on a country kick, perhaps to some of y’all’s dismay.

“Do You Wish it was Me?” / Jason Aldean (2007)

1. Don’t spray Pam on something while you’re standing in the middle of your kitchen, because what don’t hit the pan, hits the floor.  Picture a cartoon character on a banana peel.
2. When Netflix says something is “Available Until 5/4/10” that doesn’t mean that 5/4/10 is the final day one can View Instantly. It means 5/4/10 is the day you log in to Netflix to see that particular something has been removed from your Instant Queue.
3. Sometimes people mean it when they flirt with you.
4. My laptop does not have a touch screen.
5. Some thoughts are better left unsaid. Some are even better left unthought.
6. When assembling a Priority Mail box, under no circumstances are you to remove the adhesive strip until the ends of the box have been folded inward. I mean, the box can be assembled that way, but not without cussing loudly in the Post Office, which seems to dismay the employees and affect the quality of your service.

So Chely Wright is gay? Wow! I had no idea, I mean – I can’t believe it!

Wait, who is Chely Wright again?

Ah, this is her:

“Shut Up and Drive” / Chely Wright (1997)

Have I done this one already? I don’t care. Listen to it again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wl_uQOABxg

“Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor”  / Flight of the Conchords (2009)