ABC fall preview: I got nothin’

Apparently ABC has decided to build its entire fall lineup around Dancing with the Stars. No, seriously. It’s on eight nights a week. Ooooor just Monday and Tuesday.

Also, I sometimes (read: often) confuse ABC and FOX and the CW. It’s not entirely clear to me why, just that I lump everything on (network) TV into three categories: channel 4 (CBS, or just about everything I make it a point to watch), channel 5 (NBC, or the strongest channel on the antenna) and Everything Else. When I’m trying to find a show, I generally just flip between the other three channels until I find it. It usually takes me a half-hour, tops.

Here we go!

Monday:
Castle:
Aw, that Nathan Fillion. Look at him having a show! And that chick with the eh haircut! I think her name is Kate. Yeah, that’s right. Beckett. Kate Beckett – a name torn straight from the Directory of Strong Names. No, really, I’m not being sarcastic. Oh, you’re asking about the show itself? It’s entertaining, though I didn’t “follow” it this season and have no idea “where we left off.” But ol’ Nate plays a very believable author. I don’t know.
Yup. That’s it for Monday.

Tuesday:
No Ordinary Family
: Starring The Commish – I mean, Vic Mackey – I mean, The Commish and Dexter’s Annoying, But Now Dead, Wife. They gots two kids and they all accidentally eat some uranium-baked potatoes on vacation or something and BAM! Super powers for all! Nice premise for primetime network TV, no? Might be worth checking out, y’all.
Detroit 1-8-7: Why do I get the feeling that most of the folks who’ll actually watch this show only recognize “187” as the title of a Samuel L. Jackson movie or from a line in that Sublime song? “But you like cop shows, Julie! That’s basically the only thing I’ve gleaned from your last two posts!” you’re saying. Well, I do. And thanks for noticing. But this one is supposedly documentary-style, I think, and that particular plot device is losing its appeal for me. This one’s gotta be good – and I mean good – for me to be sold.

Wednesday:
The Middle
: Gail Pennington, the only TV critic I actually read, loves this show. At least, I think that’s what I read that one time. I’ve watched The Middle, too, but wasn’t immediately sold. I think I just couldn’t get past the kid named Brick. Or Janitor and Debra Barone being married.
Better with you: Stars include Jennifer Finnigan, who is only familiar to me because she is married to Jonathan Silverman, who I recently IMDB’d because I was convinced he was gay and I wanted to see who his life partner was. Oops. My bad. Oh, you want to know what this one’s about, do you? Your guess is as good as mine. There’s, like, five or six people in it. I guess they all hook up with each other and exchange witty banter. But I’m just spitballing here.
Modern Family: Man, I really resisted this one at first. The damn documentary thing just really turned me off. But then I accidentally watched about ten minutes of it one evening, and proceeded to laugh my tushie off. it really is quite clever – much more so than even the wittiest of ads can relate. I encourage you to check it out (Season 1 now available on DVD, fwiw).
Cougar Town: Oh, girl. Don’t get me started on this one. Like Modern Family and Big Bang Theory, I just completely missed this one until, perhaps because my remote control was broken or the antenna wasn’t picking up CBS, I caved and gave it a go. It’s sweet without being sappy and funny without being stupid. Andy and Ellie are one of my favorite fake couples.
The Whole Truth: Man, I might just have to wade through this lawyer mumbo-jumbo and power through, because I do loves me some Rob Morrow. Maura Tierney’s pretty nifty, too. I think it’s one of those things where they show both sides of a case, maybe? So one’s a prosecutor, one’s a defender? I could be wrong.

Thursday:
My Generation:
So this is ANOTHER freakin’ documentary-ish thing that’s following up on a group of graduates from the class of 2000, which happens to be my high school class, which makes me not want to watch the fake people in their fake successful lives doing all kinds of fake things I’ve not even dreamed of yet doing. Uh, but maybe that’s just me.
Grey’s Anatomy: Did I watch the agonizingly long, impossibility-laden season finale? Yes. But did I still end up weeping like a small sick infant (even whilst thinking “seriously? what the fuck?”)? Well, I think that goes without saying. Since they managed to kill off all of my least-favorite characters (except for April, grrr), I’m hopeful for this season (last season was starting to rub me the wrong way). I am, though, starting to get a teensy bit tired of all the mate-swapping and breaking up/getting back together again a gabrillion times.
But I’ll still watch it, along with countless others, while Shonda Rhimes sits among piles of currency in an eleven-story vault, quietly counting her riches.
Private Practice: Fond memories of watching DVR’d episodes with my sister wife Gennie made coming back to the show once I moved away kind of… sad. So it sort of dropped off my radar. I don’t know who’s knocking boots with who anymore, and I don’t even know what happened in the season finale. But as long as Tim Daly’s back, I’ll probably pick it up every once in awhile. Sigh.

Friday:
Secret Millionaire:
Huh?
Body of Proof: I think maybe they picked out the show’s title before they figured out what it would be about, or someone originally wrote it as a screenplay but couldn’t sell it to a studio. I don’t know. That’s just what I think about when I hear the show’s title. Aaaaaaand Dana Delany’s back – again! Can’t keep this one down! Even if they should!

Sunday:
Desperate Housewives:
Okay, for someone who doesn’t watch this show, I somehow have picked up enough info that I feel like I’ve been watching it. The season finale was apparently (as always) a real nail-biter. Edgy and dark, I can see why Housewives has so many fans.
Brothers and Sisters: THEY FUCKING KILLED OFF ROBERT! What the hell?! And Saul’s next too? Geez-o-Pete! The Walkers can’t catch a break! But that is why we love them and love to watch them, even if Kevin is the most whiny, annoying, miserable character on television today (a title that he recently won from Dexter’s Annoying, But Now Dead, Wife).

That’s all folks! No, just kidding! There’s two more networks to go! Yippee!

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