the sloppy copy

For having a primetime schedule that’s an entire hour shorter than its competitor networks, I guess they haven’t done too shabbily.

Monday:
House: Oh, House. You jumped the shark so long ago that you’re halfway across the ocean by now. I only sporadically find you clever; the rest of the time you are simply irritating. And now you’re all professing your undying love for Cuddy? Oy. Do us all a favor and swallow a fistful of vikes (Vics? Vicks? Faaa! Vicodin! I’m talking about Vicodin). It might make things interesting once again.
Lone Star: FOX’s own hype-o-meter (or hypeometer, in British English – accent the second syllable, if you please) has gone Marshall Applewhite-levels of crazy over this one. I don’t even know what the premise-behind-the-premise is, just that main character dude leads some kind of double life in Texas (rich guy with trophy wife in one part of the state &  aw-shucks Texan with a wholesome gal in some other city). And I read somewhere that he looks like “a young George Clooney,” but I do not think this is true.

Tuesday:
Glee: Oh be still my Gleeky little heart, it’s back already?! I had the misfortune of working on the nights this aired last season, and as a result missed a lot of the finer points. By the time I had time to catch up, well, I just sort of skimmed through the mash ups. But this Shue vs. Sue schtick is gold, my friends. And my love for musicals and singing and dancing is unparalleled (well, except for my oft-referenced adoration of cop shows, which makes me wonder if I wouldn’t be the uber-fan of Cop Rock). Uh, anyway. Glee’s back. Yay!
Raising Hope: I’ve got hopes, but they ain’t too high. If they can steer away from the avenue of Awful Stereotypes, it could be funny and endearing. Otherwise, it’ll be garbage. I’m not confident that there’s a middle ground there.
Running Wilde:  Okay, so I’m confused. Some misguided types are gushing over this Will Arnett vehicle like it’s some sort of Arrested Development Redux.  But, based on what I’ve read and what I’m seeing in promos, I still can’t tell if this is supposed to be comedy, or drama, or both, or what. Bad sign going in.

Wednesday:
Lie to Me: I saw this show once. Some British guy was talking in his British Guy Accent and then there were some othergood people and some bad people and some people who were maybe both good and bad. And British Guy was saying interesting-sounding things, things that might be true or might just be made up for television. But then I think they broke for commercial and I changed the channel and, yeah. That’s it.
I’m not going to review Hell’s Kitchen, but you should watch it if you like watching Gordon Ramsay going abso-fucking-lutely batshit crazy. Like, holy hell, man. Calm down before your head explodes.

Thursday:
Bones: Hmmm. Apparently they want us to think that a year has passed and – ready for this? – Booth comes back from Afghanistan with a GIRLFRIEND. Actually, I don’t care, because I don’t want him and Brennan together anyway. I wonder why they did the year-break thing, though? The ending to last season was kind of sad. I wonder if they thought they weren’t getting renewed?
Fringe: I have only the vaguest, most peripheral understanding of this show but I think that only puts me slightly behind those who watch it religiously. The “What the hell is going on?” device is actually quite compelling (to me, at least) and even though I remain steadily confused from start-to-finish whenever I remember to watch, something has got me hooked. Perhaps there’s some kind of telepathic messages forcing me to not change the channel. My brain might start to liquefy if I don’t keep watching.

Friday:
Human Target: Oh, I thought this was some kind of summer filler. Guess not! As near as I can figure, some bad ass guy runs around and has people shoot at him. And there’s some hot chick of undeterminable ethnic origin. Perhaps she is from Latin America? I don’t know. I don’t watch this show.
The Good Guys: I can’t get past Colin Hanks’ freakish resemblance to his father long enough to concentrate on the plot, sorry.

Oh, so FOX also does their “animation domination” thing on Sunday nights: Unfortunately for the viewer, they spaced these four programs out in order to maximize viewership (even FOX knows that The Cleveland Show sucks so they had to sandwich it between The Simpsons and Family Guy. As for American Dad, well, if you can make it through Cleveland you’ll probably watch anything.

one more to go! I’d stop, because by this point no one really cares what I have to say, but come to think of it – no one really watches the CW so it all evens out in the end.