Plantar warts and all.

There seems to be some sort of ‘trend’* in television and film that glorifies average females and their quirkily-endearing nighttime rituals: the flannel pajamas, the zit ointment, the retainers, the whole Liz Lemon-y shebang…The point being that there is somehow perfection in the imperfection. The Folks Watching At Home see these images and “relate” to them – Hey, I pull my hair back in a scrunchie from seventh grade when I’m washing my face at night, too! – when, of course, the reality is that these same women appear perfect during the fictionalized day.

So if Hollywood says it’s okay, that it’s a natural part of being a Woman, it’s okay…right?

Mmmm. Not quite. I don’t care how many Julia Roberts’ses’s (sp?) and Scarlett Johanssens there are on screen Nair-ing their upper lips or using prescription-strength deodorant – none of this is actually “okay” until us Regular Gals are among our Regular Gal Pals, commiserating and comparing brands of stretch-mark cream and concealer.

Granted, there are always exceptions. I love my flannel pajamas. I will not pretend to hate my flannel pajamas, nor will I lie and say they are not my daily nighttime wear. Also: in a few weeks I’ll be heading back to New Dentist’s office (note: she’s so awesome! If you live near me and want the name of a super-awesome dentist message me!) to pick up a bite-guard-thingie that I’ll wear at night so I don’t grind my teeth down to little teeth-nubbins. And there is no shame in my game.

Before I visited Dr. Awesome’s office (awe-fice? Too much?), I’d had one of these sexy contraptions made for my mouth, but it had put in its hard time and paid its debt to my face. After its life expectancy came and went, I was sans dentist for a bit and didn’t have a new one made up. I’d also never heard of anyone else having one, and thought I must have some sort of super-jaw-grinding-strength.

Until Dr. A, of course. When I brought up the possibility of having one made, she lit up and she, the hygienist, and myself launched into a discussion about how great these things were. The Front Desk Lady (unsure of her actual title, other than Awesome Front Desk Lady) also chimed in when I went to pay. “Oh, you’ll love it!” she bubbled (literally – if I were to dump water on her head she would probably begin to effervesce). Basically, every single person working in this office uses one, and now I am soon to be a member of their little Night Guard Society.

I use this as an example because if I’d been self-conscious or unsure of this thing before, I’m sure my doubts would have been allayed by knowing that everyone and their sister has one… in Real Life, that is. Seeing someone on TV pop one into their mouth before bed would not have made me feel better.

See, you can try to make yourself appear normal, Hollywood. But we’re on to you. Oh, and P.S.: I don’t care if Famous Actress endorses Proactiv – she has a team of makeup artists that can make her look beautiful (and she’s probably not shopping for her makeup at Walgreen’s) so what’s the point?


*I have no way of actually substantiating this, and can provide few examples, but I figure if it’s something that’s stuck in the craw of my subconscious mind I must’ve seen it somewhere, eh?

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