I’ve often commented that, when it finally comes time to go through my dozens of boxes in “The Unit” it’ll be like Christmas. See, I figured it’d be a fun little 45-second diversion as I unpacked – nothing too breathtaking, maybe like opening up a wrapped plastic candy cane full of M&Ms: Oooh I wonder what it could possibly be?
I mean, seeing things that I haven’t seen in a long while can be slightly nifty (like hearing songs I haven’t heard in years – BAM! Look at me making connections!), but how cool could it actually be? Opening a cardboard box and finding the set of silverware you’ve owned for five years just doesn’t sound like a particularly magical discovery. Right?
Oh, so wrong. So completely and totally wrong.
Today I ventured out to The Unit to pull out my old television set so that I could donate it to a local thrift store
to get a nice tax deduction out of the goodness of my heart. While rummaging around piles of really really dusty boxes (seriously! Where does this dust come from? No, don’t answer that, because it will probably make me ill – have you ever seen a magnified picture of a dust mite? AAAAHHHHH!), I came across one that was labelled “food.”
I took the box back to the house, fully intending to open it outdoors, next to a trash can. Once home, I placed it in the driveway, Hefty bag at the ready. I slowly peeled away the tape and gingerly peered inside, only to discover that it was a box full of…
NO, FOR REAL, that is exactly how I described it to poor Juanita as I almost-literally dragged her out of the house to see: “A box full of awesome?” she asked. “Ssssh…don’t ask questions. Just see!” I answered.
It was maybe a 15- to 20-lb box* that included the following treasures:
One unopened can of Quaker Instant Oats!
Two unopened boxes of still-chewy raisins!!
Boxes of instant pistachio pudding and chocolate pudding!!!
One unopened box of MINI FRUIT ROLL UPS!!!!
All this, and MORE. Still-usable herbs and spices that had been carefully sealed away (I don’t remember putting this much forethought into my packing!), packages of instant rice, still-good Nutri-Grain bars… it was nothing short of amazing.
To say that I am now completely and totally AMPED to dig into the rest of the boxes is the Understatement Of The Universe. I mean, if I can wring at least one hour of uninterrupted elation out of opening a box of oatmeal, I’ll probably damn-near soil myself when I get to boxes labelled “purses” or “miscellaneous.”
*Or not. I cannot estimate any sort of useful unit of measure to save my life.