the sloppy copy

HAPPY OPENING DAY!!!!!

Now, I know that not all-y’all are from up (or over, or down) here, but any self-respecting St. Louis Cardinals fan gets a little giddy when they hear this song played. Having not ever pledged allegiance to any other Major League Baseball team (except for a few misguided “this is my second-favorite team” moments as a youth), I can’t really offer any sort of comparison except to say that I’m sure any major league sports facility in this country has that One Song that, when played, gets the crowd a little rowdy. Am I right? (And, out of curiosity, what would those songs be?)

A little backstory on “Here Comes the King” can be found here.

Juanita has a cold. Miraculously, I’ve not caught it, despite her best efforts.

Ma: cough cough cough cough cough *beats on chest*

Julie: What are you doing?! Don’t beat on your chest! It’s not good for you!

Ma: cough cough cough cough *beats on chest some more*

J: STOP DOING THAT. YOU’RE NOT TARZAN.

Ma: I’m not Tarzan! I’m Jane!

J: You’re going to be Cheeta if you keep doing that.

Ma: hahahahaha cough cough cough cough cough hahahahaha.

*pause*

Ma: Huh?

I don’t know. I’m tired. It’s what popped into my head. Bleh.

“Venus in Furs” / The Velvet Underground & Nico (1967)

Monday Review: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

First off, I’m just going to do you a favor and cut straight to the chase: you should just get yourself to a purveyor of digital video discs and drop the ten dollars or nineteen dollars or twelves dollars to own a copy of this movie. Because if you like funny things and clever things and funny, clever things you will enjoy this and it will be ten, nineteen or twelves dollars well-spent.

Is it the snappy dialog? Yes.
Is it the just-right use of a narrator speaking directly to the audience?  Also yes.
Is it the Robert Downey, Jr and Val Kilmer? Again, yes.

So yeah. See it.

Whoawhoawhoawhoa- wait. Hold up. That’s it? You’re just going to say “oh, it’s good” and trust that I’m going to watch it? What kind of fucking review is this? Aren’t you supposed to include, like, a plot summary? This is bullshit, man.

Oh, I’m sorry, did you not just say that you want to be entertained? Because I –

What? No. I didn’t even say that. What the hell are –

Forget it. Do you realize how much time you’re wasting, arguing with me? This –

Well, technically you’re arguing with yourself, genius.

Okay, well. Yeah. But –

But nothing, Einstein. You’re just typing this to take up space so people think it’s worth reading. I’m on to you.

Well I should certainly hope so, you being me and all.

Ah, touche’, motherfucker.

So are you, uhhhhhh…finished? Or what? Because I still have some shit to say.

Oh, by all means.

Thanks, bud. What I’m trying to say here, is that… is that… I…

*slow clapping* Bravo! Well done, ma’am!

Well, hey, I wouldn’t have forgotten what I was going to say if you hadn’t fucking interrupted me in the first place, now would I? Hmmm?

Yeah I’m not gonna even remind you that you’re just talking to –

Myself. Yeah. Point taken.

Just watch the damn movie.

Most days, I think that the Internet is a wonderful thing. Take today, for instance. I first heard this song… holy shit! 20 years ago?!… and it very spontaneously popped back into my head recently. But I couldn’t remember the song, because when I first heard it, I thought I was mishearing the girl’s name. Are they really singing Aisha? One quick Google search of one snippet of one line and guess what? I was right, just had the wrong spelling.

Wow.

Does anyone else remember this one?

“Iesha” / Another Bad Creation (1991)

p.s. More youth that should be in school! Why are their mothers letting them dance like that? Heavens.

Rounding out the week, or Saving the Best For Last!
I swore that I’d used this one for a previous SOTD and had neglected to include it for that reason. But… guess I haven’t! Thanks, friend, for the reminder!

These youth should be in school!

“Pass the Dutchie” / Musical Youth (1982)

Ok, this one’s a little less…upbeat.

“The White Lady Loves You More” / Elliott Smith (1995)

Side note: Reading others’ posts about what this song “clearly means”* is both amusing and cringe-inducing. It’s like listening to someone who got all their knowledge of drugs and alcohol from reading it in a book, but maybe that person didn’t read everything in the right order. For instance, though I’m hardly an expert in such things, I don’t think it’s common for one to use marijuana intravenously. I mean, how the fuck would that even work? Uncle Google, you have some ‘splainin to do…



* these people like to use “clearly.” A lot. And can you imagine how it sounds coming from their mouths? “Clearly this is what he means…” (implied up-turn of the nose and all)

Ma: Do you want to hear something horrible?

Julie: No, I probably don’t.

Ma: There was this guy who wanted to kill his wife for the insurance money so he dropped an 80 POUND CONCRETE BLOCK ON HER HEAD.

J: Ow.

Ma: He was on the roof and he THREW it at her!

J: Ow.

Ma: AND SHE LIVED!

J: Whoa! Wow…

Ma: She had a concussion, and was in the hospital for awhile, but SHE LIVED! Can you believe that?

J: Well, that’s not so horrible. I mean, it’s horrible that he tried to kill her, but she lived.

Ma: Oh, well, he took her out to the woods and shot her two months later.

J: Oh.

What am I doing with my life?
I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that one out.
What do I want to do?
Well, I don’t know. See, my problem is this: Even though I’m a grown woman, I’ve never lost that feeling of…

Okay, wait, let me back up a second here.

When I was in junior high, I wanted to be an astronaut real bad. I read up as much as I possibly could on the space program and became a mini-expert on the subject. There was absolutely no question in my mind, despite my ineptitude for math, science or intelligence, that this was going to happen. By the time I got to high school, my mind eventually changed – not because I was failing basic algebra, but because I’d found something new to capture my interest.

And so it goes like this: in college, I changed my major no less than four times (not always officially, but it’s a wonder I managed to accumulate enough credits in one discipline to graduate in four years). It became a running joke with my friends; at the beginning of each semester, I’d read the course catalog cover-to-cover* and comment on how interesting everything sounded. Again, I’d see stuff like “advanced organic chemistry” and think “Wow, I should try that.”

Really, Julie?
Really.

I don’t know if it’s naivete or stupidity or some grand combination of both, but I – and we’re getting back to my original thought here – I’ve never really lost that sense of “I can do anything.”

I mean, I’m not completely delusional. I know that my shot at becoming an international spy has probably come and gone and I think I might be too old to enlist in the military, but everything else? Completely possible – with some work, of course.

My brain is practically busting with ideas right now. Should I go back to school? Should I move to another city?Another state? Another country? – and live there for awhile? Should I find another job? Should I not waste the deposit I just put down on an apartment here and just suck it up and move? (I can’t lie: the thought of having to live somewhere for an entire year without incurring financial penalties unsettles me – this is beginning to sink in).

See, I don’t know. My calm center of pragmatism reminds me that even though I’ve felt this way for-freaking-ever, I’ve still not really done much about it.

Damn you, rational mind! I was so going to be a fighter pilot!

 



*Kids, this is when they were in a big printed book that one had to pick up from the Admissions office, not some downloadable PDF file that you access from your smartie phone

But Lou, I don’t get it. Why are you giving this man your money?

“I’m Waiting for the Man” / The Velvet Underground & Nico (1967)