put THAT in your pipe…and call the plumber, because that’s not good for pipes.

Every once in awhile I freak myself out after spending time on WebMD, convinced that a teeny cut is actually the bite of a parasitic spider, or my headache is symptomatic of something horribly amiss (everybody now: it’s not a tum-ah!). I do pride myself on never actually following through with this nonsense – I’ve never went to the doctor with a binder o’ Shit I Printed From The Internet or anything – but imagine my surprise when I caught myself almost doing something similar (read: just as nuts) this morning.

So my kitchen sink leaks. Or something. Like, you turn it on and water slowly flows from places in the fixture where water Should Not Pass. And I’m no plumber, so I’m not sure exactly what the problem is. My best guess is that something needs to be tightened or turned or caulked or welded or augered.* But what? Surely I can find some diagrams on the internet, I think. Then I can more accurately describe the situation to Maintenance Guy Who Never Wears Pants.

Really - is all this really necessary? Certainly some of those are just for show.

I was excited by the prospect of enriching my knowledge of plumbing when it very suddenly hit me: Why? Why would I need to do this? Mr. Shorts doesn’t give a fuck if I can’t accurately describe what washer needs replacing.** His job is to figure out what’s wrong, and then to fix it. Like a doctor, but in jorts and steel-toed boots. Really, I’d look just as silly referencing diagrams in Plumbing for Dummies while I filed my Maintenance Request as Joe Schmoe telling their doctor what to prescribe or what tests to perform.

I have much better things to do with my time than learn plumbing, anyway. Like write blog posts.


*And there exhausts my plumbing vocabulary.
**Oooh, I remembered another one. See also: Trap. Plunger. Drano.

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