the big blanket let-down.

Edit: Cheese-and-rice, Julie! Talk about some first-world problems! Oh, poor me! I’m too warm and cozy at night! My life is hard! Oooh, woe is me!
I honestly disgust myself sometimes. Please forgive me.

*             *             *

Friends, this post is to inform you that I am moving. I’m not sure where I’m going yet, but it will be someplace cold (possibly Canada, or an area with “tundra”). I also don’t know when I’m moving, but it will be soon – hopefully before winter ends. While I shall miss all of you dearly, I just really want to get some use out of this down comforter on which I threw away my hard-earned dolla-dolla-bills, y’all.

Cue harp music and that wavy thing they do with the camera when someone’s having a flashback on an 80s television sitcom.

After I got back from visiting Brother in Warshington in August, I started having flashbacks of my hotel bed. But instead of waking up in a cold sweat and hiding behind furniture when startled, I’d catch myself daydreaming about that sweet, sweet nest of luxury into which I’d collapse my weary body each evening after spending the day sightseeing and having my skin seared off by the blazing sun.

Oh, friends: it. was. divine.

Oh, friend, I will not forget you.

So divine, in fact, that I was able to almost-completely ignore my near-crippling phobia of hotel beddding (though I think the sun poisoning lowered my resistance). And after I returned home, I wanted more.

Like some sort of down-feather junkie, I stalked the internet in hopes of finding some kind of affordable down blanket into which I could basically assimilate myself each evening. I would – literally – not rest until The Perfect Bed was recreated within my own apartment. And at last, I met my match through Overstock.com.

This is where the fantasy unfortunately ends.

The furnace-ing of my apartment is such that the bedroom and bathroom become far hotter than the kitchen and living room when the heat is running. Like – very noticeably different. Like, whoa. Don’t misunderstand; this is GREAT when taking a shower on a cold morning! …but it’s not so great for other things.

Like sleeping with a down comforter on top of you.

I thought that I read somewhere that down blankets are good year-round, but this one is apparently not one of those magical blankets. I’m good until about 3:00 each morning, when I wake up soaked in sweat (ok, not literally, I don’t have some sort of condition) and have to turn the fan on. 32 degrees outside and I’m sleeping with a fan on. Why don’t you just kick off the damn blanket? you’re saying. Except I sleep better with a blankie on top of me, I whine in response. It feels weird to just lay there with nothing on top of me. That’s what she said! That’s what she said!

In defeat, I’ve been forced to abandon my wondrous down blanket in favor of the normal old quilt that served me perfectly well for the past eight years of my life (I imagine there’s some sort of bedclothes trash-talking that goes on when I’m away: Haha, sucka! I was here first and I WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!).*

But the memories of Perfect Bed still haunt me, which is why I must relocate myself to more frigid climes (or just sleep with the window open, I guess) in order to once again relive the magic. For I will always remember the good times, Perfect Bed. They can’t take that away from me.

*okay, now my quilt is kind of scaring me.


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