Beginning with one weirdly autocorrected text sent to Juanita, I decided to send the rest of my messages to her sans proofreading and with little regard for, you know, accuracy.
Let me preface this by saying I don’t have one of those fancy-pants smart phones. Mine flips open and has buttons roughly the size of Kennedy half dollars. I have it set to “T9,” which I think means “Sorry, no matter how many times you type the word twatwaffle [read: a lot] it will still fail to auto-enter it for you.”
Here goes:
Me: Before i proofread that message it said this:
can i runs cz the bank no the way god so i can
deposit my commission check
Juanita: LOL LOL LOL Thanks you just made my day!
I just type too east
You just sent me a message that said
I JUST TYPE TOO EAST.
I prefer to type to the west.
I know… I left it that way on purpose… Which ORIGINALLY said
‘I let it that way no surprore’ LOL LOL
LOL LOL STOP IT YOU’RE KILLING ME!!!
I keep laughing out loud. My boss must think I’m nuts. OR…
i’m laughi out love. My boss must think i’m ous
LOL ! FOR SURE YOU’LL LEAVE AT 5:00…
YOUR BOSS WILL WANT THAT LOONY OFF THE PREMISE
For the rest of today i will send all my texts without
proofreading them first. It will be like a puzzle for you!
That sounds like fun
For of maybe. Not you
You’ll be off work in 3 hrs!
I can hardly wast
Sorry i can’t help myself i’m trying to type extra east for you
It’s just east enough
Would rather i ou tzue too west or north or snug for you
LOL. I WAS DOING WARSH…THAT’S WHY IT TOOK
ME SO LONG TO GET BACK TO YOU
it’s ok . i unresptane sometimes you just
iota have clean coteir
HOLY CRAP… THAT ONE SOUNDS PAINFUL
Lol that made it sound glid you were intui am cocooc
I’ll stop when you say so. Maybe this is only funny to me
What I wouldn’t give for a thesaurus or
a book on how to decode gibberish!
My coteirs are ready for the dryer. Be right back.
How’d they turn out@ nice and dr x i hope
LOL VERY DR X !
GOOD. Betweel the Yumzos of up we text like two
old ladiegs standing in the mifflod of the parking lot
I HATE BEING IN THE MIFFLOD
LOL with all hue are trying to run you over
and hotling and wel GET OUT OF OXY
YES THEY SHOULD GET OUT OF OXY
I hear That’s a bad place. Very rough apes
Apes are like that. You sure you aren’t gonna
get in dutch for all these messages?
No big boss man is gone and i’ve finished all my real work
COOL! SKIP OUT!!
Literaly@ slip i slip to my lot my darling
LOL…I’m not having any trouble understanding
your messages… NOW THAT IS SCARY !
Yes that is i little frightiengi
the sloppy copy 