I’ve been rifling through my memories of Christmases Past, trying to remember if there ever was a particular gift I begged Santa for, Ralphie-Parker-style. For the life of me, I can’t remember one single thing I thought that I MUST HAVE that I eventually received (or didn’t receive, for that matter). I think this is because even children overtaken by materialistic obsessions get over their temporary insanity pretty quickly when all is said and done. Or at least, I did.

I do recall one nauseating instance in which I asked my Dad why another family in the neighborhood had so many more toys than I did. I was young, maybe a kindergartner or first grader at the most, and I remember very clearly my Dad kneeling down to my level and listening to my concerns. I don’t know what his answer was (though it was probably a very calm and reasonable explanation – namely that that particular family had EIGHT FUCKING CHILDREN so yeah, it was a numbers game), but he probably should have smacked me across my bratty face instead. Ugh! Ugh, I tell you! I hope with all of my heart and soul he doesn’t remember that conversation.

It’s funny how this memory stuck with me for 25+ years, eh?

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