I’m not a quitter; I’m a realist.

…got a lot of mixed feelings about this one, folks. This morning I decided to withdraw from my current course.

I am:
Elated. For the next few weeks, there will be no more rushing home in order to turn assignments in by 1:59 am. I will be able to spend my free time not reading for un-pleasure or completing assignments. I will be able to work through my 30-minute lunch because I won’t have to spend every. spare. second. working on homework.

Disappointed. In myself. Obvs. Ya couldn’t even get one whole class in before you quit, huh? says the voice inside my head.

Angry. The deadline to withdraw with refund potential has passed. Argh.

Optimistic. As of right this very second, my intention is to pick back up when the next term starts again. I’ve honestly enjoyed what I’ve learned so far, and I genuinely look forward to applying myself when I retake the course.

Informed. Yeah, now I actually GET what this entails. The decision to enroll was initially pretty slapdash [though if I hadn’t bit that bullet right then and there I would have put it off for another year…or more] and because of this, I did not fully grasp how I’d need to more consciously organize my time. Part of my “problem” is my work schedule. Because I work an evening shift, I often feel like I have NO TIME to do ANYTHING. This is untrue, of course. I’ve been working on waking up earlier (going to bed earlier helps, ha) in order to have more time to be a functioning person before I need to leave for work at 3:00. By the time the next term starts back up again, I will have myself on a better sleep schedule.

Confident. The initial feedback I’ve gotten so far is that I will likely succeed in this once I, of course, apply myself. Shit that I’ve written at the last-minute has gotten positive peer and instructor comments (go fucking figure). Imagine what I can accomplish if I try!

Embarrassed. I guess this could also be filed under “disappointed.” Surely you don’t have that much going on that you can’t do this ONE OTHER THING, says the voice inside my head.

Shut up, voice.

Overall, I think I’ve the right decision for me. I know that no one else in this entire goddamn world cares that I’m withdrawing. In fact, I’m sure the university is salivating at the prospect of my next payment(s). Maybe withdraw from a few more after the refund deadline, Julie. You earned it, girl! 

This is a pause, not the end. And I’m okay with this.

 

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