They – they who? – say that when you – you who? – are faced with the dreaded Writer’s Block to just power through. Sit right damn down and just fucking write. Anything. Everything. Just scribble out what comes into your head. Remember that conversation you had with the lady in the grocery store line a few days ago? The bits and pieces of a dream you had last night? The snappy one-liner you shot off with ease the other day? Write it out, bitch.
They – seriously, who the hell are they? – make it sound oh-so-easy. Like you – wait, is that me? – have unlimited access to some sort of great Brain Tap of words and thoughts and ideas. Turn it on and let ‘er go, fellas, and be prepared for a deluge of brilliance! They – these people are starting to piss me off – play it off like you – quit talking about me! – will flood the page or screen with metric tons of words and will be able to easily pick out the salvageable bits and use them to create Epic Works. Cast a wider net, they – go to hell! – say! You – seriously, leave me out of this – are bound to catch hold of something great!
Well, they. I’ve got some news from me. I’m going through that particular pile of brain garbage and rusty scrap metal and all I’ve got to show for it are used ideas and mental tetanus. I was planning on sharing my haul with this wider audience but I’m afraid all I’ll do is spread disappointment like… [see below*]
…like gonorrhea in Utah!
…like mayonnaise on a Subway sandwich!
…like news of Frank Sinatra’s imminent departure for New York, New York.
…wildfire (Seriously? This one? DUD ALERT)