I Netflix’d “Zodiac” a few years ago and I fell asleep watching it. I think it was good? I think I liked what I saw? I think it got good reviews?
Know what else I think? This zodiac-sign-changing biznass is an entertaining little blip on my brain’s radar.
Holy shit! This is the exact shirt I had! Thanks, Uncle Google! You never let me down!
I “am” “no longer” a “taurus.” Basically, this means… Eh. I don’t know what it means. I’ve only been interested enough to consult a new astrological chart to see how things have changed. I’ve not actually, you know, read why the chart has shifted. Perhaps the world is ending. Perhaps I should care more. Or not.
When I about – oh, eight or nine? – I owned a Garfield nightshirt – heathered pink, with the giant sleeping cartoon cat on the front. “A Taurus works hard…and sleeps harder,” it said. I thought it was funny (hilarious, even!).
I’ve only picked up bits-and-pieces of what my “sign” means. Tauruses are stubborn, I know. And some other things, I think, but I sort of latched onto the stubborn part, because I reeeeally am. Stubborn, that is. Not latched on. But am I stubborn because someone told me I’m a Taurus? Or is it just how things ended up? I’d consult my genetic history, but both of my parents are also Tauruses. And, because / in spite of it, stubborn as hell.
A few weeks ago, a Wal-Mark clerk checking my ID commented that I was a “Taurus, too.” I didn’t really know what to say to him, because about four seconds previously I realized that I’d unloaded an entire cart of groceries when his lane was, in fact, closed. When I realized what I’d done, I apologized with heartfeltness and desperate sincerity: “Uh, oops. Uh, sorry.” He’d been nice enough to stay open for me, but asked that I tell anyone who came behind me that his lane was closed. Except I turned my head, and when I looked back, another schmuck was piling a cartload’s worth of things on the belt behind me. Uh, oops. Uh, sorry. Then he made the Taurus comment, and I didn’t know how to respond. So I smiled and said something eloquent like, “Uh, cool.”
Aries Spears: Nice hat, dude.
But now I’m an Aries. I don’t know anything about this, other than Ares-no-i is a mythological god of war and that Aries-with-an-i Spears was part of the cast of MadTv for awhile. I don’t know. He was funny. Maybe being an Aries isn’t bad, after all.
Also, I hear there’s some “new” sign, and that some people now have two signs. Not that astrology previously made complete sense to me or anything, but I don’t get how this works. I also don’t know what this new sign is. It’s something like an ouagadougoupitchicus, I think. Maybe I want to be an ouagadougoupithicus. Not sure. Jury’s still out on that one. Stay tuned, I guess.
Or not. Entirely your call.
the sloppy copy 