An abridged text exchange with the BFFF on my birthday:
I am sorry you are having to work. Can I call in and ask for a specific operator? I totally should.
Yes, I am looking for operator 2684 bc she gets my pimp to calm down the best.
OPERATOR 527! I think the balloon of coke in my ass busted.
Yes, operator 367 bc she remembers where my crack pipe is hidden.
Operator 684? I forgot my safe word.
OPERATOR 2935 NOW!! I AM STRANDED IN SHADYVILLE AND DON’T HAVE MAH BLADE
37878, do you remember when I called in about 9 months ago? Where was I and do you remember his name?
346 please. Why? Well I am out of fuckin NUTELLA
Also if I could all in a Nutella crisis I would. I am fucking OUT.
That’s no joke. Call 911.
om nom nom nom
the sloppy copy 
BFFF approved.
😀