Some people get a headache, like, once a year.
I am not one of those people.
I don’t get migraines; at least, I don’t think that I do. I’ve never had a headache bad enough to see a doctor, though I have, at times, curled myself up into a little ball and prayed for death to come quickly.
Lately, though, I’ve had a headache every day. What gives? I thought. At first, I figured maybe it was just some mild DTs, so I started taking shots with breakfast.* When that didn’t seem to help things (funnily enough, it seemed to just cause more headaches. What gives?), I just started closing the garage door on my foot, a way to trick my brain into concentrating on another kind of pain.** When that didn’t work, I started tranquilizing myself with a dart gun I stole from a veterinarian and sleeping through the day.***
Still, nothing. I’d wake up, and in a few hours, the headache would be back.
Then, today, during an alcohol / Crush Syndrome / ketamine-induced nap, I remembered that I’m allergic to the fucking tree outside my window.
Allergies. Huh. Go fucking figure.
*I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I don’t take shots for breakfast unless it’s my birthday. Or someone else’s birthday.
**Again, I’m kidding. The garage door is older than I am. It’d probably disintegrate on impact with my foot anyway.
***No, I didn’t. I don’t know any veterinarians. In this state, at least.