Recipe time!

I mean, who doesn’t like saving money? (Carlos Slim Helú, this is where you raise your hand*). There are any number of off-brand products available at ye local Super-est of Markets that are, essentially, the same damn thing as the name-brand crap. Can anyone really tell the difference between “Q-Tips” and “Cotton Swabs”? I’m not talking about homemade, 100% organic, spun-from-the-fleece-of-our-pet-sheep-Larry-and-then-sold-on-Etsy shit, I mean Wal-Mart brand Q-Tips.

No, you cannot, because they’re the same damn thing.

This goes for most products, in my opinion, but in my years as a Bargain Shopper I’ve come across one glaring exception. One thing that, no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, is just not the same.

Off-brand Cheerios.

great value my ass.

Oh, excuse me, I mean “Great Value Toasted Whole Grain Oat Cereal.”

Whatever. Either way, it sucks. It tastes… stale. And… old. And kind of… I don’t know… dusty, I think. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to pour myself a big ol’ bowl of Stale Old Dusty-Ohs in the morning.

I’ve experienced the Sawdusties multiple times, and yet, I wait a few years – hoping they’ve since honed the recipe – and buy again. My latest endeavor was a few months ago, and the box is still sitting in my kitchen because guess what? It still tastes bad. 

Because, despite it’s ickiness, I can’t bring myself to toss out the rest of the box (I did manage to force-fed myself a few bowls, some with raisins, some with fruit, some with other toppings to mask the taste but to no avail). And, based on my sporadic food-pantry volunteering, I know that donations of Half-Eaten Shit are Frowned Upon. So what to do?

Find a way to cover them with peanut butter and sugar, of course.

Today’s recipe: Cheerio Bars!

Gather ye some:
1 cup sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup peanut butter
6 cups Cheerios (or nasty substitute)

Then you’ll:
Bring sugar and corn syrup to a boil. In a saucepan. Did I have to mention you put it in a saucepan first? And put it on the stove?
Then take it off the stove. And mix in the PB and cereal. MAKE SURE IT IS WELL-MIXED. MIX IT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WELL. THIS IS IMPORTANT. I DID NOT DO THIS. THERE IS A REASON IT NEEDS TO BE MIXED WELL.
Spread the WELL MIXED MIXTURE into a greased 9 x 13 pan. Make sure it’s pressed all evenly up in thurr. No one wants to be the schmuck that ends up with the half-inch corner square while Johnny gets to mow down on some six-inch monstrosity (ba-dum-ching).
Cool it. The pan, that is.
Then cut into squares. And serve.
And. Be. Delighted (James Lipton voice).

*Carlos Slim Helú, why are you reading my blog?

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