Julie, remember when you thought it would be “fine” to only pack flip flops when you went to DC? And your feet were great festering, blister-covered appendages by the end of the first day? Yeah, don’t do that again. Idiot.
You also forgot to pack toothpaste. Remember having to find your way to the nearest CVS, after dark, while being accosted by locals? You’re not staying in a hotel this time, but let’s not wear out your welcome by immediately demanding a complete set of toiletries upon arrival, ‘k?
3. Juanita’s Kindle.
The best thing you ever stole from your mother, even including the time you wore her Erin Go Bragh pin to school on St. Patrick’s Day and everyone thought you were all Irish-speaking and shit.
I can’t arrive without bearing gifts. It’s a sickness, like leprosy, only it’s the opposite of leprosy because it makes other people want to be near me. Also: no festering boils.
Unless I’ve been wearing flip flops for a week straight.
To be continued. Unless I get distracted by something else.