Learned from the TV

More things I’ve learned from watching television:

When speaking to each other, doctors (particularly medical examiners) always take great care to explain in specific detail the ailment / injury / condition in question. I imagine it’s done so as to refresh the memory of the other person; after all, sometimes medical school was a long three years ago (because, as we all know, all doctors are either young and fresh-faced or old and suffering from tragic dementia).

Essentially, a typical conversation goes something like this:

MEDICAL EXAMINER: It seems that our Jane Doe suffered blunt force trauma to the head.

OTHER DOCTOR: Yes, the object that struck her head would have caused internal injuries to her brain. The brain is important. It controls many things.

ME: Like the future?!

OD: No (gentle laughter) but it does let us know when we have to poop and pee so we don’t mess ourselves. It also tells us who to have sex with.

ME: Oohhhhh… Wait. What?

OD: So if  something hard, like a baseball bat or the NHL’s Hart Memorial Trophy is brought down on one’s head, like this (raises the Hart Trophy over his head)…wait, aren’t we supposed to have human-like dummies full of a realistic blood solution so as to replicate the injuries suffered to actual people?

ME: No. But I have this watermelon I was going to cut open and pour Everclear into for the after-work party tonight.

OD: Thanks for inviting me, asshole.

ME: Oh, heh, heh. This is your invitation. It was going to be a… surprise.

OD: Ohmygosh you’re the best! Anyway, if someone were to traumatically use a blunt, forceful object in a manner…such…as…this (raises Hart Trophy above his head, bringing it down with great speed unto the right parietal lobe of Dr. Medical Examiner)

OD: (pauses). Oh holy fucking hell.

OD: (pauses). This is bad.

OD: Wait, is this the real Hart Trophy?

this bitch could do some DAMAGE, son.

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