the sloppy copy

INT: Julie’s bedroom. Morning.

Julie wakes up and rolls over. A loud snapping sound is heard as her shoulder moves itself back into place. A series of popping noises as she stands up and stretches.

Julie (VO): Blaharghayeechagaaah.

Fade out.

INT: Kitchen table. Julie is eating breakfast, Julie’s Mom is sitting at her laptop, absorbed in her sixty-sixth online crossword puzzle of the day.

Julie (J): I want to buy a new mattress.

Julie’s Mom (Ma): I heard they were saying you should get a new one every eight years.

J: Mine is 24 years old.

Ma: Unh.

J: I’m not sure what size I should get. Any input?

Ma: No.

J: Well, I want a bigger one, like a full or a queen. But then what should I do with my current bed?

Ma: *shrugs*

J: I’m asking because, you know, you’re the one who bought me that bed when I was a kid. Do you want to keep it? Should I move it into Brother’s room?

Ma: Dunno.

J: I could put it in storage, I guess? Or donate it?

Ma: Mmmmph.

J: I could maybe put it in the backyard, set it on fire.

Ma: *coughs*

J: Does Dad still have that gasoline in the garage? For the lawnmower? I could use that as an accelerant, right?

Ma: Mmmm. Dad. Yes. He’s downstairs.

J: Okay, well, I’ll use the Ove Gloves just in case it gets hot. Have you seen his welder’s mask lately? It used to be on the workbench.

Ma:: Yuh? Mmmm.

J: Okay, well, I’ll be outside if you need me.

Ma: (Looking up). It’s so nice outside today!

So yeah. I want to buy a mattress. I’ve only been talking about it for a year, but I think this might be the weekend to do it. See, our forefathers intended us to celebrate their leadership of this fine nation by purchasing discounted furniture so everyone and their sister is having Mattress Closeouts! this weekend.

Wish me luck.

This is one I learned to love through my mother. She desperately wanted me to pick “Bernadette” for my Confirmation name, but I went all I-wanna-pick-something-totally-different-even-though-no-one-else-in-my-class-picked-Bernadette and chose, ugh, Victoria (really, Julie?). I regretted this decision almost immediately, but I had already written my Please Let Me Be Confirmed letter to the parish priest and I wasn’t sure how cool he’d be with a take-back.

To compensate, I chose Bernadette as my name for French class my freshman year of high school. Not quite the same, but it’s the closest I’ve ever been to pleasing my mother.*

Anyway, this is just a great song – really listen to the lyrics. Love it.

“Bernadette” / The Four Tops (1963)

*No, no. Not true. But doesn’t it sound dramatic?

Today begins another Song of the Day Theme Week! Wait, another? Haven’t you only done one? Um, no. If you’ll recall I’ve done a week of Favorite Songs about Texas and Favorite Songs by Canadian Recording Artists.

Well, maybe I can’t blame you for forgetting. Er.

So what magical musical mystery tour am I about to take you on, gentle reader? Hold onto your underthings, because today is the first day of….

Lady Songs!
To clarify: Songs with a woman’s name in the title. This is a musical theme as old as [something really old], so the pickins are less-than-slim. Please enjoy, and feel free to comment with your personal favorite Lady Songs, too (because if I get stuck, I just might shamelessly reappropriate your idea for my own use).