Oh, come on. Everybody’s doing it, why the heck can’t I?
This year, I decided to mix it up a little. Because I am rarely correct with my predictions, I decided to more blindly guess my way through the nominee list.
Best Picture: The Blind Side
Sandra Bullock looked ridiculous with that hair. And the premise of the movie sounded stupid, even if it is based on a true story. Anyway, who doesn’t love a story about patronizing white people saving some poor schmoe of another racial background?
Best Actor: Morgan Freeman, Invictus
He’s old. And he played an old man. A famous old man. This one’s a no-brainer.
Best Supporting Actor: Matt Damon, Invictus
I think he had an accent in this movie. And played… soccer? Both demonstrate flexibility and the depth of his, uh, acting ability, and uh…
Best Actress, Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Is this movie even out in theatres yet? Is this the one about the gay guy? Or the one about Tolstoy? Or is that the same movie? I don’t know. She seems like a nice lady. Give it to her.
Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz, Nine
Did she do her own singing? I think her costume involved tassels. And everyone knows that Singing + Tassels = Oscar.
And because these are the only awards that anyone* cares about, I’ll stop there.
*With the notable exception of Paul N.J. Ottosson, nominee for Best Sound Mixing for The Hurt Locker. And yes, I randomly chose him because of his suh-sweeeeeet name.