the sloppy copy

While indulging in a little WebMD hysteria on behalf of a friend who is experiencing abdominal pain (read: she’s probably just a gassy lassy), the handy-dandy Symptom Checker Thingie Tool lead us to a step titled “Pain or discomfort brought on by:” with a dozen-or-so boxes one could check. Each of these was labelled with things like “after eating dairy products” or “with exercise or strenuous activity.” These things make moderate sense to me, what with my Grey’s Anatomy-level of medical education. One of the boxes, however, was fairly alarming:

“Or made worse by swallowing irritating chemicals or poison.”

Once more for emphasis, shall we?

…swallowing irritating chemicals or poison.

Thanks, WebMD, for reminding me that the Ajax I had for breakfast just might be the cause of my intense abdominal discomfort and / or death-like symptoms.

“Honey, are sure it isn’t the milk in the Cheerios? You know how you get with dairy!”
“I don’t know, sweetheart, the Liquid Plumr might have been expired.”

I’d also like to point out that a little Alert! (the kind that pops up when you check symptoms like “is unconscious” or “not breathing” and says GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL RIGHT FUCKING NOW) did not appear when you try to click the “my tummy aches after I eat foam insulation” box.

Wow. Just wow.