I think that I actually believe that I can fly.

What am I doing with my life?
I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that one out.
What do I want to do?
Well, I don’t know. See, my problem is this: Even though I’m a grown woman, I’ve never lost that feeling of…

Okay, wait, let me back up a second here.

When I was in junior high, I wanted to be an astronaut real bad. I read up as much as I possibly could on the space program and became a mini-expert on the subject. There was absolutely no question in my mind, despite my ineptitude for math, science or intelligence, that this was going to happen. By the time I got to high school, my mind eventually changed – not because I was failing basic algebra, but because I’d found something new to capture my interest.

And so it goes like this: in college, I changed my major no less than four times (not always officially, but it’s a wonder I managed to accumulate enough credits in one discipline to graduate in four years). It became a running joke with my friends; at the beginning of each semester, I’d read the course catalog cover-to-cover* and comment on how interesting everything sounded. Again, I’d see stuff like “advanced organic chemistry” and think “Wow, I should try that.”

Really, Julie?
Really.

I don’t know if it’s naivete or stupidity or some grand combination of both, but I – and we’re getting back to my original thought here – I’ve never really lost that sense of “I can do anything.”

I mean, I’m not completely delusional. I know that my shot at becoming an international spy has probably come and gone and I think I might be too old to enlist in the military, but everything else? Completely possible – with some work, of course.

My brain is practically busting with ideas right now. Should I go back to school? Should I move to another city?Another state? Another country? – and live there for awhile? Should I find another job? Should I not waste the deposit I just put down on an apartment here and just suck it up and move? (I can’t lie: the thought of having to live somewhere for an entire year without incurring financial penalties unsettles me – this is beginning to sink in).

See, I don’t know. My calm center of pragmatism reminds me that even though I’ve felt this way for-freaking-ever, I’ve still not really done much about it.

Damn you, rational mind! I was so going to be a fighter pilot!

 

 



*Kids, this is when they were in a big printed book that one had to pick up from the Admissions office, not some downloadable PDF file that you access from your smartie phone

One thought on “I think that I actually believe that I can fly.

  1. Mel says:

    i hear you, i hear you, i hear you. seriously. i’m tired of wondering and dreaming and never doing anything about it. but what do you do? how do you get started?

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