the sloppy copy

Monday Review: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

First off, I’m just going to do you a favor and cut straight to the chase: you should just get yourself to a purveyor of digital video discs and drop the ten dollars or nineteen dollars or twelves dollars to own a copy of this movie. Because if you like funny things and clever things and funny, clever things you will enjoy this and it will be ten, nineteen or twelves dollars well-spent.

Is it the snappy dialog? Yes.
Is it the just-right use of a narrator speaking directly to the audience?  Also yes.
Is it the Robert Downey, Jr and Val Kilmer? Again, yes.

So yeah. See it.

Whoawhoawhoawhoa- wait. Hold up. That’s it? You’re just going to say “oh, it’s good” and trust that I’m going to watch it? What kind of fucking review is this? Aren’t you supposed to include, like, a plot summary? This is bullshit, man.

Oh, I’m sorry, did you not just say that you want to be entertained? Because I –

What? No. I didn’t even say that. What the hell are –

Forget it. Do you realize how much time you’re wasting, arguing with me? This –

Well, technically you’re arguing with yourself, genius.

Okay, well. Yeah. But –

But nothing, Einstein. You’re just typing this to take up space so people think it’s worth reading. I’m on to you.

Well I should certainly hope so, you being me and all.

Ah, touche’, motherfucker.

So are you, uhhhhhh…finished? Or what? Because I still have some shit to say.

Oh, by all means.

Thanks, bud. What I’m trying to say here, is that… is that… I…

*slow clapping* Bravo! Well done, ma’am!

Well, hey, I wouldn’t have forgotten what I was going to say if you hadn’t fucking interrupted me in the first place, now would I? Hmmm?

Yeah I’m not gonna even remind you that you’re just talking to –

Myself. Yeah. Point taken.

Just watch the damn movie.